SomethingUnnatural20 Member Profile

...See more Hello. I’m new here. I thought I’d explain a little about what I’m going through. I’ve struggled with depression for a long time. But after my daughter was born 4 years ago, I started struggling very badly with anxiety. I always deal with it but the worst of it comes and goes. I can be mostly okay majority of the time and then I’ll go through a phase for several weeks or months. It makes it very hard for me to function. It’s the crippling type of anxiety that makes me feel like every thing is falling around me and I’m helpless against it crushing me. It’s the kind that makes me feel like I’m suffocating. It’s the kind that makes me sick with nausea. When the worst of my anxiety hits, it’s like my brain can’t wrap itself around the fact that every day consists of the same things and I’ll have to repeat them over and over for the rest of my life. It feels daunting and scary. It feels like a weight is crushing me underneath the responsibilities. Even the smallest things feel like the end of the world. In these moments, I can sit and tell myself I’m okay and nothing is currently happening. Either way, my brain tells me I have to freak out about something. My body can’t handle the constant fight-or-flight mode it’s trapped in. It’s so exhausting. My daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and Autism and stays sick a lot. It is a big part of my anxiety. I never know when she’s going to be sick and when she’s going to feel fine and healthy. She has random throwing up spells that have no explanation yet. I don’t know why but throwing up has always scared me and makes me so anxious. So, I always sit and worry she’ll have another spell. I never have warning when they’re coming until they just start. She had a spell almost a month ago now and there came my crippling anxiety again. I still haven’t been able to kick it. Ever since that spell, I feel like I’m out of my own body, watching my life go by while I am paralyzed by fear, doubt, worry, stress, and helplessness. I can’t make it release its claws in me no matter what I do. I just keep hoping the antidepressants that I just started back will kick in and help. And I keep hoping talking about things will help. I don’t want to live my life in worry and fear. I just want to be “normal”. I want to just LIVE.

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