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SparklySeas49
1 1,579 M Little Steps 6
Status? 🧐 In North Eastern US
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts325 Forum posts56 Forum upvotes153 Current upvotes153 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2025 Member sinceDecember 7, 2024
Bio

I’m in 5th decade of this experience of Life, and it’s been a tumultuous reckoning that I’m still reeling from shock over the fallout. I am long divorced, have twin grown daughters, and had a passionate 33 year career that was cut short by disability.  Finding any purpose at this point has been the ongoing challenge.  I consider myself to be a kind giving listener seeking friendships and support for life’s ongoing challenge.  I love books and libraries and volunteer at one…the people there are all so friendly!  I pass my solo time with online games - Minecraft and now Stardew Valley. I also like crafting, needlepoint and crochet, and sewing quilt pieces but am a total novice- unfortunately with difficulty finishing too many projects.   I am motivated by doing things for others.



Recent forum posts
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Being alone, but have times im unable to cope with
50 & Over Community / by SparklySeas49
Last post
 January 17th, 2025
...See more I’ve been working through a flu or something… you know when your body gives out… with cough so bad my muscles hurt in back. Been dealing for a week with meds, and tons of tissues, and making up meals.   I already deal with chronic health limitations, so every cold wreaks such havoc… until I can’t cope.  This has been a pattern, and it’s beyond tiresome… I break down from confusion how to proceed.   It’s a years long history now, and family has been a double edged sword, has broken my heart so I avoid them.  I have even tried hiring elder support care…but issues there.  Tonight I can’t sleep, again.  Weeks have been going poorly since cr@ppy holidays.  Then I get the flu.  I can’t always cope. Were told we should be able to be alone.  Well over and over I get into these trying times, that I just cannot cope.  I have sought help all around, … humans are flawed, misunderstandings, … so I am still dealing on my own… and yet I still can’t cope.  So another crisis.  On my own.  It’s unbearable.  I don’t understand how to do this, I don’t understand the plan, or approach.  I’ve heard a lot of uplifting sayings, alternative thoughts to life, expectations… yet I still cannot find a good place.  On my own is not a good plan.  
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Hard knock life
50 & Over Community / by SparklySeas49
Last post
 January 7th, 2025
...See more You know that feeling you get, when you wake up first thing in the the morning and remember to be grateful for accomplishing several errands day before and go into kitchen for first coffee, only to find you left all of your groceries unloaded on the table?   A dozen eggs, a whole chicken, deli ham, cut up butternut squash.  Gotta throw it all away.  *sigh* I’m working on my chronic depression and loneliness (and a list of other issues won’t mention).  I finally got out of the house after a week, ready to tackle 5 backed up errands. End of day I was so content that I did 3 of them and added on 3 more!   Now I’m reminding myself not to dwell on the failed parts like I would normally do. I am treating myself to an online game that interests me.  The make believe world transports me from the harsh real world.  
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I’m still stuck No where to go no one to be with
50 & Over Community / by SparklySeas49
Last post
 December 25th, 2024
...See more Sorry if too negative.  What is the meaning of a life with no one in it?  My kids are definitely not interested in chatting with me.  One does it out of duty only. She’s introverted and prefers alone time, doing nothing l  The other is suicidal herself.  Neither of them want to participate in life.  My ex husband is no role model and cares only of himself.   There is also a new rift between me and my siblings.  My empty life clashes with theirs.  Sister cut me out entirely.  Brother has no real issues and plugging away into retirement without a care or worry….his wife is non stop planning and spending.  It’s hard for me to participate and see them living full lives.   After 10 years divorced and still alone I see that I will not have anyone in my daily life. As an introvert and socially awkward, I rarely go out.  I can’t get into my old hobbies like I did.  I am realizing I was motivated by doing for others, and now there is no it’s like I have no purpose.  I have tried reframing my expectations, to go on in life for myself. It’s not clicking. I don’t do anything. I’m not motivated to do anything.   Ive lost spirit after working through life and lost everything I worked for.    I don’t see how it’s possible to start an entire new outlook at this point.  So much history affecting me in depressing ways.   I am tired of saying I don’t know what to do to make myself better, or to live alone.  What the *** kind of set up am I dealing with that i cannot get out of a rut after a decade?
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What am I doing
35 & Over Community / by SparklySeas49
Last post
 December 14th, 2024
...See more I think too much, but here goes.  Pardon the grammar gaps. I joined this site because have no one who understands and I cannot sit with my thoughts alone.  Looking around here see a lot of voices, needing reassurance guidance venting, you name it.  All good reasons.   I can’t help but wonder how my voice will be heard here.  How it will help to type into the space, my personal details issues.  Sure I hope to hear feedback opinions, … would love ultimately find a close friend that I totally click but I know that’s not likely.  Ive done online therapy, group support, one on one… its a lot of typing and SO time consuming. Do I start with my restlessness from loneliness and isolation?  Or the issues that got me here because they surely lurk unresolved.  I feel I’m preaching to the choir to say that I have found not a single person who can ease my pain, after years. Ive followed guidance advice gratitude reframing god i could list dozens of homework.  My reward? Ive actually broken family connection by trying to get support from them because i have no one else.  What an utter shitshow.   I feel my mind is shutting down from the overwhelm and futility while things continue as they have been for years.   Hopeless and helpless they call it.  How is a human supposed to overcome, survive even, let alone thrive.  Thanks for reading this far. 
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