St3phanieAnn613 Member Profile

...See more Hi... I've never actually been diagnosed with anything but I'm pretty aware that I must have some form of anxiety and possible BPD... I'm that person who's in a relationship and I'm totally destroying it by constant worry of abandonment and just always feeling worthless. A little bit of background -- I was adopted by my grandparents when I was 2. My mother was a drug addict and alcoholic. Dad is cool, I actually live with him now. Growing up at my grandparents was very chaotic. They meant well for me, but they would always talk down about my mom, constantly telling me "Oh, she never wanted you kids"... That kind of hurt. When she actually did come around, she would be high or drunk. My grandparents allowed that to be around, not that they allowed drugs or drinking, but sometimes would let her be around while they were totally oblivious to the fact that she would be messed up. My aunt was the same way and she actually moved back in with my grandparents when I was rather young and she's still there to this day. She has A LOT of mental issues as well. There was always constant fighting between her and my grandparents or with her and my mom when she came around. Growing up w/o being able to be around my mom was hard. To this day I still can't fully trust her, or anyone for that matter. Also, my aunt is the type of person to be in a relationship and constantly degrade men. All of that being said... being in a relationship is hard for me because it's very passionate and great at first but then when the thought of another person trying to contact my boyfriend, specifically a woman, I can't control my anxiety with the fear of him leaving me for her. (I've also been cheated on A LOT by other men.) He gives me no reason to suspect anything, yet I still do, I honestly can't help it. I really try to. Everything is always black and white. I always feel like everyone is out to get me. Basically what I'm trying to get at is how do I not feel this way anymore? My boyfriend and I are on the verge of splitting up now because he can't take it anymore. I've completely scared him from talking to anyone, and I've never actually meant to do that, it just comes out. I do realize when we DO end up hanging out with one of his girlfriends or anything, it's always fun and whatnot. I just don't want to share either since we see each other on only the weekends because of a distance thing. It's getting hard. I can't control the "Well who's that?" "What does she want?" "Well what are you going to do?" "Are you sure that's what you're doing?" I honestly HATE that feeling of constant worry. It's not me being just a, excuse my language, bitch... I'm just actually scared.... I'd like to seek some sort of counseling for this... Any advice?

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