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StoneC
2 1,695 M Hopeful Heart
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts106 Forum posts17 Forum upvotes29 Current upvotes29 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2026 Member sinceAugust 27, 2021
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Healing
Trauma Support / by StoneC
Last post
 June 1st
...See more I have had CPTSD for a long time but in the past 2 years I've been actually healing. I wasnt sure I ever would but Ive noticed some changes. The flashbacks lessened in frequency and intensity. Im not disassociating as often, so Im actually making memories in first person. Pretty much every memory i have from before 2 years ago, is in 3rd person. My lastest realization was that for months I havent felt the need to check that my partner is breathing in the middle of the night. I can assume everything is fine. This is not to say I dont still feel anxiety every day, but its changed some to different things. Its a little less about death. A little less about abuse. And a little less about getting taken again. Im actually almost out of the "underweight" category. I cant believe that i hadnt realized how insanely thin I got after the last trauma. I knew I lost significant weight but going back to old photos, it looked scary. I was always sick too. Im not sick as often anymore either. Some days I realize things like these and it makes me feel proud and hopeful.
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PTSD w/ cops
Trauma Support / by StoneC
Last post
 March 17th
...See more For reference I am a very small female. Twice I have been thrown around by cops that were called to help me with an already scary situation. The first time was when my bf died infront of me. I did CPR on him till they came and accused me of doing it to him. The second time was when I was in an abusive relationship and finally faught back after being reported as a missing person for weeks. The cop told me I should've "listened to my man" and arrested me for assult. Charges were dropped obviously but it felt like going from one kidnapping to another. On top of this my ex-stepfather was a cop that beat my mother for years. Fast ward a couple years, and ive been driving for almost a decade. Ive never been pulled over till today. The flashing red & blue lights, his car blocking in mine, the uniform walking up to my door with hand on gun, knowing it could all go sideways too easily. I wanted to cry. I started shaking and sweating, and my chest still hurts with sharp pains as I write this. It was a minor infraction. My registration is expired. I can easily fix it and avoid the fine. The officer was actually friendly and cracked a joke. This was a good experience for me. I just hate how painfully scary a simple interaction was even after years.
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Reasons I cant ____ myself today
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by StoneC
Last post
 January 12th
...See more 1. This will be the last Christmas my baby sister will be a teenager for 2. I have a tattoo appointment in a week 3. If my cats are rehomed they could be mistreated 4. The gay population would dwindle and thats exactly what the breeders want 5. My ex told me to do it. *** anything they say
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Relapsed
Addiction Support / by StoneC
Last post
 August 11th, 2025
...See more I have Borderline Personality Disorder and have gotten clean from drugs but am struggling with alcohol again. The mood swings have gotten more intense lately and drinking is the only (mostly) reliable way for me to calm down and/or sleep. Of course sometimes it has the opposite effect, sending me up high only to crash hard... but I'm in survival mode. The only thing that gives me a glimmer of hope is knowing that I've gotten out of this before. Last time it took several back to back traumatic incidents for me to stop. I dont want to get there again. But I just know when getting clean the bpd is gonna get worse before it gets better and that terrifies me. I'd appreciate any coping suggestions.
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