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Stormandshelter
23,703 M Aiming High 3
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts739 Forum posts97 Forum upvotes134 Current upvotes134 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2024 Member sinceMarch 16, 2020
Bio

she/her

I feel cold




Recent forum posts
Hypervigilance
Depression Support / by Stormandshelter
Last post
 February 23rd
...See more Does anyone has suggestions regarding how to deal with it? Struggling a bit with distrust and being on a constant alert mode.
Personal space 🌿
Journals & Diaries / by Stormandshelter
Last post
 April 9th
...See more TW : The posts can be depressing I feel like creating a space of my own here.  You can respond if you feel like. 🌿
Venting.
Trauma Support / by Stormandshelter
Last post
 January 4th
...See more Tw : breakups/ sh Had a tough day. Thought I would put out my thoughts somewhere before I sleep. This would probably be a letter for the people who have hurt me and for myself. I apologise to whoever reads it as my thoughts can get mixed sometimes.  To the people I loved, There are days when I question myself. Question if my love should be contained or I should let it flow. There are days when I want to take away my heart from myself. I don't remember the last time I talked without a fear in the back of my mind. A fear of being abandoned by you and a fear of being abandoned by myself. There are days when I have to shush my inner child to keep her safe and I hate those days. When I know the world is a cruel place for the small girl who believed in the good in people. You turned every thought of hers in a fear. Fear of people, fear of situations, fear of taking her own decisions...every step forward made her question herself a little more. Whenever she chose someone, that person reminded her that she's better hidden. And now, she doesn't know who she is anymore. Everything scares her. Living in a fear is scary. You can't take a step forward but you know that taking a step backwards won't change anything either. Even when I ask for help, thinking about you scares me. It makes me think what if they get tired of me too? What if they leave me saying the same things? I regret being too much. Saying too much. Being myself and what not. Why? Because you made me feel so. You made me hate myself. I already did before but I was trying so hard. Why my efforts never mattered? Because I thought so? Not always. I was trying to believe in myself but you made me feel it meant nothing. I thought everything would be okay...for some moments but all my fears came true. They always do.  There are times when I convince myself that the presence of people is anyways temporary. When I convince myself that the problem is me and I've to heal. But then why I've to heal myself if I didn't do this to myself first? I only loved people and trusted them. Is it that bad? That wrong? Taking care of yourself is important but why I can't just feel safe sometimes...a lot of thoughts. Maybe next time (:  Right now all I need is a hug from my teddy. At least he will be here.  Bye bye!  Thank you for reading if you did. 
Paat traumas and struggling to move on.
Relationship Stress / by Stormandshelter
Last post
 June 24th, 2023
...See more Hi everyone! I have talked to a lot of people about this on the app but I haven't received the kind of help I needed. I think I'd like to have someone for a long term. Someone who's able to deal with a bit of negativity and hopelessness. Sometimes I don't need any advices, just someone to listen. I'm aware of my issues and probably even know how to act on them. It's just painful to me and even if I try my best everyday, most days I cry to sleep. My recent breakup took a toll on my mental health because of some past traumas and I really struggle some days. If someone's willing to be there for a long time then please text. Thank you.
A messed up situation.
Relationship Stress / by Stormandshelter
Last post
 February 27th, 2023
...See more So, I'm currently dealing with a really messed up situation in relationship/friendship. I'm asking for help here from someone who has been with a partner with mental health issues because I'm currently unable to understand a lot of things. Please connect, if possible.
I feel numb
Self-Harm Recovery / by Stormandshelter
Last post
 May 3rd, 2023
...See more I have never hurt myself too bad physically. I always did that emotionally though. I did cut twice and scratch myself. I did scratch myself at few places today..and I don't know why but I feel like destroying myself. I have been cruel to myself for years but right now it's different because for past few years I tried really hard to fix things...but no. No one will ever understand me and I can't tell how that feels. I don't even want to live but I know I will have to and this is becoming a way to...survive. To just let myself feel... someone I loved told me some time back that he wants me to feel his hatred. It seems like I want myself to feel it. In every possible way. It isn't doing any good but I'm unable to get out of it.
Alone and crying
Relationship Stress / by Stormandshelter
Last post
 February 14th, 2023
...See more So, my partner cheated on me and I got to know about it about a month ago..I'm in so much pain. We are not talking much anymore. I cry everyday at night after trying to keep myself busy everyday. I'm still crying. I don't know why I love people this much..some days i hate myself for it. For the situation I'm in. For this pain. I don't know what did I do to deserve it... it's not the first time. I'm sure it won't be the last.. don't even know why i'm saying it out here
Breakup and loop
Relationship Stress / by Stormandshelter
Last post
 February 4th, 2023
...See more *trigger warning* Hi everyone! I'm going through a really hard time rn. Don't know if I should share the whole story but I don't want to be scared of doing so and I'm not ashamed of it. So, let's start from my childhood. I'm from a very happy family consisting of all the introverts. In childhood I was a good student but was very emotional. I was in second standard when I saved someone from bullying and everyone in the class stopped talking to me. I used to cry everyday. My mom told me to make books my friends and I topped for few years. I found some people to call my friends when I was in 6th std. I believe I got too attached to them that I could do anything for them but I realised that I couldn't fit in. I couldn't share anything with them. Slowly I can't of started finding difficult to say no to things because I cared too much. Slowly, I started getting isolated from people when I grew up. I got addicted to social media and found some good friends. But, also some people who hurt me. Once I was in an abusive relationship where the person harassed me online. He cheated on me. That was the first time when I self harmed. I don't do it anymore but I get really anxious sometimes. Then I started talking to depressed people online and helped many of them. I realised that if I could help them then I can help myself too. So, 5 years back I found another person who became my best friend. I was still struggling with my mental health. He became my world. Slowly, I started socialising too. Some time back I got to know that he has been cheating on me for a year now with a friend of mine...she didn't know it either. Now, I don't think he's a bad person. I wasn't in a good state when we met. He used to stay up all night for me and he truly cared for me but now when I know he doesn't love me I'm unable to let myself get out of this space..I'm unable to leave him alone. I really love him. Even though I know he doesn't love me back... I'm finding it too hard to. First thing because we were in long distance and he's an introvert so doesn't communicate and secondly he still cares for me at times..I'm so confused and hurt. At the same time, I want to save our friendship because he was my best friend too. I wanted to grow up with him but we grew apart. I was truly making efforts. Now, many people might suggest me to block him, move on etc. But maybe I just need some emotional support instead of logic at this point. Don't know if it makes sense but I hope someone understands.
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