StultusTheClever Member Profile

How do I accept she doesn’t love me anymore?

Relationship Stress / by StultusTheClever

May 14th, 2025

...See more Very rough background: We’ve been together for about five years. We did a private hand fasting ceremony and consider each other husband/wife. We have not legally been married because of insurance purposes with Her health. We have gone through a lot between finances and home insecurity and food insecurity, and loss… And things have been really bad for us for the last couple months, but especially the last four weeks. She identifies as poly now, Which I’m trying to be supportive of. She also identifies as lesbian, Which I’m also trying to be supportive of, Yet, obviously, I’m feeling pretty down about because I don’t feel like I’m good enough. She doesn’t want me to leave, She says she still cares about me, We share a home and a bed. And as she is figuring herself out, she hasn’t been actively hooking up with anybody or anything to that matter, But she’s been making new friends and refers to me as her partner. But I feel like I’m being used…And I know I have a lot of anxiety, and it has driven her away because in hindsight, I can look at how I handled situations and the fears of losing her, and I can agreeably label myself as a toxic partner. Bite while she’s taking the space to work on herself, and as we still live together, I don’t hear from her unless she needs something. No check-in in the middle of the day to see how work is going, No sit down at dinner to plan out our family activities for the evening/week, But I will get a text message in the middle of the day about how I need to get something at the grocery store on my way home or how something in the garden needs to be replanted when I get home, or the cat litter box needs to be done soon… And I’m trying not to look at it as a situation where I’m practically an in-house servant, But it’s hard not to when the only interaction I’m having is receiving orders. She still insists that she loves me and cares about me and doesn’t want me to leave. She still tries to include me in the activities that she likes to be involved in and we still have our routine in the evening. But it’s hard to be gone all day and then come home and go right to work doing whatever list she has, Especially when it almost feels like it’s expected out of me and not asked of me. She always says thank you, And I always tell her “of course”; Because of course I’m gonna do these things for you. But it’s the thank you, even feels very muted and scripted. I love her. She is my soulmate and I know she’s going through a lot of things, and I know that her medical issues and medication changes and mental health and stress of the world around her while she’s fighting for disability are all factors on behavior, but I’ve been one consistent for the last five years And I’ve always put her and her daughter before myself. So the whole thing kind of feels like a slap in the face. I feel like the moment I’m gone nothing will change, but I’m afraid that when I leave things are gonna fall apart, and I don’t want that to happen for her. I genuinely care about her well-being and I want to be there for all times. I’m tired and I’m Stuck combating with my own thoughts and anxieties with no relief.

I’m leaning more about SH and its painful to see how ive hurt myself

Self-Harm Recovery / by StultusTheClever

May 2nd, 2025

...See more TW:Selfharm. This in an eating disorder thread as well. Basically, the long in the short of it is that i’ve never been to self harm willingly. But a couple months ago I had an episode where I absentmindedly use the back end of a piece of metal to impress upon my upper arm and it did start to bleed. Going through a lot mentally and it was a welcome distraction and took about two weeks before the accidental injuries started turning into intentional and now I have scars all over my arms and chest and collarbone where I had not had one before and unless you’re looking for them, you would never see them. I reached out for some help and in the process found out that my habits of not eating and not sleeping is also considered a form of self harm and I’ve been doing that for years without realizing it. Getting upset about a situation, punishing myself by refusing to acknowledge my hunger or forcing myself to stay awake so that I can be productive. It’s honestly been really bad I’m trying to get over the whole food thing is especially, But now I have these scars on my body that I meant to put their and though they don’t hurt anymore, anytime I find myself slipping. I feel them itch like a constant reminder of my failures & how easy it could be to create a new distraction. For those of you who are also recovering or have recovered, what tools have you used to redirect your attention?

My lack of appetite is apparently a form of self-harm.

Eating Disorder Support / by StultusTheClever

April 23rd, 2025

...See more TW: self harm I am notorious for having no appetite or convincing myself. I’m not hungry even though my body says otherwise. As always when I’m in a major depressive spiral and I will go days without eating anything to the point where I’m physically ill. I try to force myself to eat so I can at least take my medication, but it’s always incredibly minimal and very low nutritional value or I drink an absurd amount of water to fill my stomach. It doesn’t help that our household has a bit of a scarcity mindset due to financial hardships in the cost of groceries growing and EBT only going so far. Far too often, I tell my partner and her daughter that I’m not hungry and I’ll just eat later, and then I will “conveniently forget”. I’ve never been one to self harm until very recently and while researching it, I discovered that the suppression of hunger/sleep is a form of self harm and it shook me to my core. I’m trying to be better, but I’ve lost 30 pounds in the last two months, But anytime I do eat it turns into an anxiety spiral about whatever depression nonsense is going on in my head and end up getting sick. I definitely have body dysmorphia issues too , But I don’t care about my physical appearance, I just can’t eat and I don’t enjoy food anymore (Especially after my taste and changed after having covid twice). I miss feeling comforted by food, and enjoying the social elements of eating with other people. I love to cook for other people, but can’t Enjoy the food myself because I’m very critical of it and myself. I’m exhausted and hungry and nauseas, but also not hungry at all, ever.

My perfect relationship fell apart due to my anxiety but I’m learning something new.

Relationship Stress / by StultusTheClever

April 29th, 2025

...See more The long and the short is this: We’ve been together for 5 years; I loved her forever. We had saved each other from bad relationships. Between lost pregnancies, Our house, falling apart, financial hardships, Her health declining, family struggles, and much more. But all through it we’ve been strong. A few months ago she told me she thought she was a lesbian and broke down begging me not to let things change because she loved me, but everything got weird after that. It started feeling like I was being used and that her words were just toys to make me feel a certain way. I still loved her through it all with no change, but my anxiety started ripping me apart. Every new friend was a threat, every smile at her phone was somebody stealing her from me and I was never ever good enough. I’m working on my attachment issues and my general mental health but we had a really long talk today. She still loves me, but she wants to explore herself more and can’t be everything for me and vise versa. I’ve known that for months, but today she blatently was like “I just think I’m poly” and it TOTALLY blew me out of the water. I’m still going to be jealous of what I lost; but she still wants me around and still tells everybody I’m her partner and we live together and she cares for me. But this anxiety of just blatantly being replaced or unwanted that’s been weighing on my heart for months is just out of nowhere gone. I don’t personally think it’s the life for me, being poly, because I’m so devoted to her and love her more than anything, but this idea that at the end did the day, I’m still the one she shares a bed with and eats meals with and builds home with doesn’t feel like a pity thing. I’m not sure if I’ll go out looking for affection or physical intimacy with anybody else, the concept makes me queasy tbh, but I’ve never experienced it myself and may find out more about myself than I knew. I still love her, she still loves me. It’s just different. And I think I can be okay with that.

Anybody play d&d??

Hobby Zone / by StultusTheClever

May 2nd, 2025

Some of my recent projects!

Arts & Crafts / by StultusTheClever

May 25th, 2025

ADHD meds, inconsistencies and changes

ADHD Support / by StultusTheClever

May 3rd, 2025

...See more Good morning everybody! First post in here but I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD since I was in the first grade, I am 30 now. From first grade until about fourth grade I went through More medication than I could even care to admit. Mom and dad were trying to find the perfect pill. Honestly I feel like it really messed up my brain and has made medication pretty difficult to work with. I started refusing to take my medication around the midway through third grade and completely cut it out cold Turkey. Spent the next 11 years “managing “ My symptoms and learning how to override when necessary. Unfortunately somewhere around 2020 it started getting more difficult to manage and my wife (now ex), Started getting on my case and telling me that she couldn’t handle being around me when my symptoms got more severe and practically bullied me into getting reassessed so I got diagnosed with ADHD at 23. Paid the money to do the genetic screening so I didn’t have to do a bunch of trial and error medication And ended up on Adderall. It worked OK for a little while but I definitely lost all my passion for my activities and artistic drive; in hindsight It might’ve been because of my antidepressant as well. We got divorced, I got off my medication because I lost my insurance and fast-forward to about A year ago and I’m losing control of my ADHD and even my “overriding tools” Aren’t working as well as they should and so I desperately jump back into medication again. I’ve been on Adderall for about six months and I feel more manic and generally in a more nasty/irritable mood. I started talking with a psychiatrist again To deal with the ADHD and the anxiety and depression, and this morning after some additional trial and error, he decided we needed to try Vyvanse. I don’t know too much about it and I’m honestly pretty anxious to try a new medication again but I was curious if anybody had had any similar experiences especially when it comes to struggling to manage conditions? Sorry for the long rambling post, doing the best I can with the tools I have at my disposal

Many medication changes & struggles with overriding?

ADHD Support / by StultusTheClever

May 6th, 2025

...See more Good morning everybody! First post in here but I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD since I was in the first grade, I am 30 now. From first grade until about fourth grade I went through More medication than I could even care to admit. Mom and dad were trying to find the perfect pill. Honestly I feel like it really messed up my brain and has made medication pretty difficult to work with. I started refusing to take my medication around the midway through third grade and completely cut it out cold Turkey. Spent the next 11 years “managing “ My symptoms and learning how to override when necessary. Unfortunately somewhere around 2020 it started getting more difficult to manage and my wife (now ex), Started getting on my case and telling me that she couldn’t handle being around me when my symptoms got more severe and practically bullied me into getting reassessed so I got diagnosed with ADHD at 23. Paid the money to do the genetic screening so I didn’t have to do a bunch of trial and error medication And ended up on Adderall. It worked OK for a little while but I definitely lost all my passion for my activities and artistic drive; in hindsight It might’ve been because of my antidepressant as well. We got divorced, I got off my medication because I lost my insurance and fast-forward to about A year ago and I’m losing control of my ADHD and even my “overriding tools” Aren’t working as well as they should and so I desperately jump back into medication again. I’ve been on Adderall for about six months and I feel more manic and generally in a more nasty/irritable mood. I started talking with a psychiatrist again To deal with the ADHD and the anxiety and depression, and this morning after some additional trial and error, he decided we needed to try Vyvanse. I don’t know too much about it and I’m honestly pretty anxious to try a new medication again but I was curious if anybody had had any similar experiences especially when it comes to struggling to manage conditions? Sorry for the long rambling post, doing the best I can with the tools I have at my disposal

Bio

Recent forum posts

Talk to an expert therapist

Welcome! Here is where your courageous step towards healing and personal growth...

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Bio