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Taintedangel77
1 85 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2026 Member sinceFebruary 13, 2026
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Anxiety, depression after infidelity
Relationship Stress / by Taintedangel77
Last post
 February 16th
...See more This is my first post and first time talking to anyone about what I'm going through. I'm usually a very personal person. Long story short this past August I figured out that my husband of now 16 years and together 18 yrs was talking to women online. I found a meme screenshot and knew. I brought it to him and he admitted what he had been doing. After a few weeks of hard talks he admitted that he had been using video porn chats as well. He admitted to having a porn addiction since about 13 yrs old. He had also been looking at escorts, he stated he looked to use the photos and videos for his porn addiction, it was a thrill type thing. I was obviously heqrt broken. Everything was going well and we were making time for talks ect. Two days after Christmas I was in his work garage with him and found an old phone in his locker. I was able to get in and see he had been watching some porn but also chatting with a friend he made. He said he was trying to get rid of old social media accounts to be rid of it all and that once a week or so he'd log in and delete things then when he was done factory reset. I was able to recover everything and found that all to be pretty much true. I was even able to talk with the friend who confirmed what they knew, thinking they were talking with him. He gave me passwords ect so I could sign in and get rid of the many many dating sites and porn sites. He acts and feels like a completely differentperson, weve talked and lesrned things about each other we never told anyone else. I'm very reluctant to continue trying to rebuild with him but i do love him. I was previously married for 15 yrs and my love for my husband is beyond comparison. Last week I came across a user name on *** that was slightly different from the one he was using. I tried to see if there was a email with it and there was, I signed in. Some things I knew about where there. The facts he had a textbook number ect was all again confirmed. But as far as I knew this had only been for close to a year. Now I know this started in fall of 2023. I found where he spoke with escorts but always backed out of actually meeting. I found an X account where he talked to escorts but again always backed out. But the worst part is knowing he planned a meeting, went to the location with cash but the women never showed up and he planned another meeting, went to the location but it was a scam. He swears he's never touched someone else and never met with someone. He takes ownership and listens to my questions, my angry outbursts and has tried to figure out how to get back into his old *** and signal as well as trying to ger his old phone number to unlock that data. A lot of his chats were done at work so he bought a camera and put it up so I can look in on him whenever I want. He's said he will pay and go take a lie detector test to show he's never met or done anything with anyone since we have been together. He has become everything I could dream of him being but... I can shake the thoughts of the photos and videos I saw that he had sent other women, the words he said to them and the facts that he went for a meet up, even if it didn't happen. It feels like it's an obsession to me now to search for more truths. I'm a mess. I'm depressed and full of anxiety constantly. We have been through other rough patches but this is the very worst. I never thought I would even be thinking about repairing after something like this. I feel like I'm being weak and stupid. I'm not sure what I'm making this post for. All I know right now is I love him second to no one other than our children ( my Teo from my first marriage have had him in their lives since they were 3 &6 and are adults and even a grand baby now) our Two are 15 &17. And that this plays in my head every single moment of the day. It's extremely rare I'm not thinking about it. I don't know how to be me anymore. Has anyone gone through this and repaired successfully, long term?
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