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Tart
1 242 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2019 Member sinceJune 18, 2019
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My whole life
Trauma Support / by Tart
Last post
 September 7th, 2024
...See more It feels like one trauma after another. Several sexual assults begining when i was 7 and the last when i was 15 all different people. I had a miscarriage at 16 that i still have flash back of once a month. Dispite my father being 6 years sober i remember seeing him drunkenly beat my sister and mother. I was forced into sexual relations with my ex 4 month after having a baby which resulted in him forcing me into an abortion. My first relationship was 3 years and he was occasionally physical and was verbally degrading and mentally abusive. Two of my friends commited suicode the same year and most recently my sisters fiance commited suicide by shooting himself. My mother father sister and i seen the blood all over the living room and i keep reliving the entire day. Im not coping well with it i feel like my mind is ruined. Before this the only literal flash backs i ever had were of the miscarraige. The first week after the suicide i was having constant flash backs of blood and scream crying and panic attacks two weeks later (now) its subsided but im having fladh backs of all of my other traumas. I feel like life is just always going to be one awful thing after another. Im having a really hard time.
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Self-Harm Recovery / by Tart
Last post
 December 19th, 2019
...See more (LOTS OF TRIGGERS) I was diagnosed with seperation anxiety when i was very young and I believe thats where my depression and anxiety stems from. Growing up i have had multiple traumas.I was bullied for being heavy when i was younger. In middle school i was trying to discover who i was and thought perhaps i was transgender. For me personally it was a phase but i was bullied harshly for it regaurdless. I was also self harming. When i was 15 i was manipulated into a relationship with a 20 year old we were together for 3 abusive and hard years. I was raped, my best friend commited suicide, then another friend jumped infront of a train and died. and I had a miscarriage at 16. Got pregnant again just before i turned 18. Im now 19 with a 10 month old. When he was 4 months old his father pressured me having sex when i was finally trying to leave him and i was again pregnant. He forced me to have an abortion. And then he left for boot camp for the army reserves. Durring that time i met someone amazing who helped me get away from that relationship and teach me what a healthy relationship is. Three weeks ago he and i were going to go to the movies but i got a call from my sister and had to rush to her house. My sisters fiancee shot himself. I didnt see his body but i see the mess it left behind and i cant get away from it. I already had PTSD but ive never had it like this before, I keep thinking about going back to self harming but i know im stronger than that.
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