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TheBPDBaddie
505 M Embraced 4
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts70 Forum posts33 Forum upvotes47 Current upvotes47 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2023 Member sinceJuly 23, 2022
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Can't Make or Keep Friends
Disability Support / by TheBPDBaddie
Last post
 August 30th, 2022
...See more So, ever since I started going to school when I was 4, I’ve always had trouble making and/or keeping friends, due to my Autism and ADHD making me, well, eccentric. I was always bullied and never really embraced by anyone. Going into middle/high school most of my friends were online. Those would come and go, too, but I’ve kept a few that I adore. Now fast forward, I’ve move to another state and it’s gotten ten times worse. Everyone’s drifted away due to the fact they put their other friends on a pedestal (even when they don’t deserve it). I have tried so, so, so hard to make friends here. Regardless of my Autism/previous social anxiety, ever since I turned 18 and started college, I decided to put myself out of there. Either we’ll hang out once and they’ll never/rarely speak to me again. Use me for money or as a therapist. Etc. I have ONE good friend in a different state that actually makes me feel cared about and that’s it. But it’s not the same. I’ve talked to a few others that seem great, but due to chronic illness I’ve developed, as well as work, it just hasn’t worked out. I’m at my wits end with loneliness and idk what to do anymore. I’ve tried Bumble BFF, just trying to socialize in person, MeetUp, etc. Nothing works. I’m even going to a concert and a comedy show on my own this Fall to see how it goes, but I’m not hopeful. I’m still going to try my best, but I’m tired of seeing everyone else with great friend groups or making friends so easily, but me not being able to.
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How Do You Not Push People Away that Obviously Care/Gain Emotional Permanence?
Personality Disorders Support / by TheBPDBaddie
Last post
 August 2nd, 2022
...See more I am having such a hard time in my relationship. God forbid my partner words one thing incorrectly, it immediately puts me into a split. Mind you, we only have these issues when we're away from each other. If we're not together, I'm almost always splitting, dissociating, etc. However, when we are together in person, we never argue, there are no negative thoughts, etc. Everything is stable and safe. I wouldn't call him a favorite person, due to the fact that that my moods aren't dependent on his, I'm not afraid of him leaving (he's more afraid that I will than vice versa), I don't idolize him, etc. But he is unfortunately all I have. I try to make friends here, but no one ever wants to be my friend. Anyways, we want to move in together, but finances are horrible right now. I'm not sure what to do in the meantime to avoid these episodes or to gain emotional permanence? He cares for me so much and loves me, but I never feel loved unless he's physically right in front of me. The episodes absolutely horrible and it takes everything in me to not break up with him because I'm just so tired of feeling triggered constantly.
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