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TheOnyx33
1 1,336 M Little Steps 4
PathStep 39 Compassion hearts266 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes16 Current upvotes16 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2025 Member sinceJanuary 24, 2025
Bio

Hey Hey, I’m onyx— 20 F (almost 21🥳)


Nevertheless— She persist.

Recent forum posts
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Sometimes i feel alone here
Newbie Hub / by TheOnyx33
Last post
 February 1st, 2025
...See more some could say it’s my own fault. i try to help as many people as i can in the groups. but i feel like i have no one. of course so doesn’t countless others here. so by no means am i special. but i dont feel listened to or seen. i feel like im everyone’s friendly ghost that shows up, says sweet things, makes others feel better, then slink back into my box by myself. it always feels like that’s my job in life. i listen when others speak, then shoo away when im no longer needed. “if i am not wanted, i will be needed. And if i am not needed, i will be used up until there’s nothing left of me”
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The bad dreams are back
Depression Support / by TheOnyx33
Last post
 January 31st, 2025
...See more I was doing pretty well for a while. but last night i had a dream that never seemed to end. it felt so real. And it might seem like im just a cry baby but one of my biggest fears filled my sleep. being abandoned by someone i want to spend my life with. ive had off and on bad dreams for so long i can’t remember when they started. they’ll go away for a little while then they resurface when i think im doing okay again. i’ve been snowed in at home for over a month, but ive caught myself using that as an excuse to just stay home in bed. to not have to talk to anyone or have the company. i’ve even had days where i put myself in a little box again away from my S/O. So many things run through my head everyday and i’m tired of just surviving myself. and some part of the dreams feel like home. just like a lot of the pain does. as if my days aren’t filled with enough worry and sadness. my bad dreams are happening again. so now even when i’m asleep it doesn’t end. it’s like my own mind wants to destroy me. and i know, i’ve been told a million times that im technically in control. that i choose how i feel. that in order to feel better i have to do the things i dont feel like doing. i know. and trust me, im aware its all my fault. but something inside me still feels so lost and out of control. something inside of me suffocates everyday. Sorry for the random rant. which is probably pointless. i hope all have a better day/night. you all deserve it ❤️
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Letting my emotions control my actions and responses
Depression Support / by TheOnyx33
Last post
 February 3rd, 2025
...See more I’m new on 7cups. I have a hard time communicating how i feel or what things has made me think and feel without getting too overwhelmed and exploding. I have tried what felt like everything to keep myself together while trying to talk about what’s going on inside my head as well as be able to listen to someone else’s side. My emotions have always been a super complicated thing for me to grasp. When i feel like i lose the control and calm down later, i get filled with guilt and remorse for the things i did or said in the heat of the feelings. These things have almost cost me someone i love dearly and someone that loves me dearly. Even on the days it’s hard for me to truly believe. I have struggled with depression and plenty sorts of mental health issues since i was pretty little. But there has to be more to life than the emptiness or overwhelming thoughts. I have been inpatient and outpatient for these issues and been through my fair share of therapy services, which never seemed to really help me understand myself. So far 7cups has showed me so many people who truly understand to their core how these things feel, which i realize was something that kept lacking in all the services i tried. None of them ever seemed to truly understand or be able to explain things to me that i’d be able to understand. So many people here know how to break things down in a way i can understand how to help myself without it feeling overwhelming or arrogant of me.
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