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TheOvenBird
5,144 M Seeking Light 8
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts57 Forum posts17 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2018 Member sinceMay 21, 2016
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Talking To Myself
Anxiety Support / by TheOvenBird
Last post
 June 3rd, 2016
...See more After some searching and trying to figure out where this would go, I decided this would be the best place for this. This (involuntary) behavior seems to relate most to my social anxiety: Often, I will talk to myself in an angry voice and it only feels partly in my control. It's almost like a tic or contortion in how brief and forceful it is, and it is extremely mentally and physically jarring. It's like a spasm that involves obscene, hateful cursing to and at myself. When this happens, it causes an intense, brief tensing up of my whole body, like a fit of rage. This almost always happens when I am agonizing over a past social interaction, thinking about how I represented myself badly or embarrassed myself or felt judged by other people, and it's like this malevolent "critical voice" is waiting there to remind me that these mistakes happened and frequently I find myself verbalizing this voice to myself and I'm not sure why it happens. It's as if my negative internal voice forces its way to the surface. It scares me when I think back on it happening, but while it's happening, inside, I feel this cruel self-chastisement is correct. I always have had problems fixating on situations and experiences, but this angry muttering to myself only started happening in maybe the last 10 years. I have never seen a therapist or really told anyone about this before or any of my emotional problems. Is this something anyone else has experienced, especially in relation to social anxiety? Thank you.
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