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ThoughtlessMoon98
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PathStep 116 Compassion hearts34 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2026 Member sinceMarch 9, 2025
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Not unhappy, just not happy either
Depression Support / by ThoughtlessMoon98
Last post
 April 3rd, 2025
...See more I've done a lot of personal work the past couple years to become more comfortable in my skin but also to build a life I feel like I enjoy. I stopped smoking cigarettes. I stopped smoking weed. I journal almost every day, and I usually take pretty good care of myself. I have less caffeine. I eat better. I pay attention to who I spend my time with and what I spend my time and attention doing. I have gotten pretty good at making peace with things I can't control. I have separated my free time from my work and school life.  Yet, I just never feel happy. I'm exhausted all the time. When I lay down to sleep at night, I just keep thinking incredibly negative things, and before bed isn't the only time those thoughts consume me. I've tried letting the thoughts come to me and pass, watching like an observer. I've tried taking active steps to dissuade my anxieties and negative thoughts. Nothing helps. I just feel like it's pointless that I've put so much work into spending time doing things I enjoy while still achieving important life goals for myself when at the end of the day, I could care less. I don't care about all the small things I enjoyed in the day when at the end of it, I'm just thinking about how worthless I feel followed by guilt about feeling that way without warrant followed by why it's warranted followed by soothing thoughts to move on to something else. Moments later, I'm back at it again, thinking about how I am just not good enough. Most of these thoughts are based in social acceptance, too. I fixate on not being kind enough, present enough, smart enough, relevant enough, experienced enough, mature enough, empathetic enough, strong enough, disconnected enough, etc. I'm just never enough. I don't understand why I feel this way when I genuinely like myself.  Any advice? I feel like I can't be the only one who has gone through something like this.
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