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TiredLibra
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PathStep 2 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceFebruary 1, 2023
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Tired of feeling this way
Depression Support / by TiredLibra
Last post
 February 2nd, 2023
...See more I'm 46, gay, been in a relationship since 08. We've been married for over 8 years and have a 4 year old child together. I left my job of 10 years to be a stay at home dad. I used to have self confidence, no problem making friends, and a I liked myself. A few years ago, my husband started drinking heavily and I started to feel as if I wasn't enough that he turned to alcohol to cope with whatever was going on. I have repeatedly brought up how I don't feel comfortable with him doing so, it's having a negative affect on our relationship, and I want our child to have a father who didn't kill himself because of alcohol. But I'm reading to much into it and it's not that bad I'm constantly told. I've supported him through getting his associates degree, and now I'm there for him while he works on getting his bachelor's. Covid hit and my main concern was keeping my family healthy. All 3 of us have had covid twice (we are all vaccinated and boostered), and I'm currently have long term issues from the 'brain fog' you read about. Back to topic, since I've been a SAHD, I've had no outlets for conversation, people I thought were friends showed they aren't really when our son came along, and I started feeling not good enough or that there's something wrong with me because of how my husband treats me. We tried to start up a group of other gay parents in the area to make friends and do playdates for our kids. Unfortunately, most of them used the group and their kids as a gateway to start sleeping with each other. I told my husband a long time ago that I no longer felt comfortable not did I want to associate with people whosenmain goal was to sleep with other members in the group. Got told I was crazy and antisocial. Suddenly we became the source of gossip in the group when I called them out for behaving the way they were. Long story short, we've cut them all off (funny how husband saw what I saw when he was affected by the drama himself). I feel like unpaid help in my own home. we've tried couples therapy (🍻 Ng has subsided alot because a third party called him out for his actions when he admitted how often he was drinking) and it seemed to help until the last several weeks where I feel like I'm being pushed aside again and gaslighted when I bring up how I'm feeling or how I percieve his behaviors. He keeps telling me I'm reading things that aren't there, he's happy with the relationship, he loves me. But I still don't feel good about myself or anything I do. I love my husband and my son but sometimes feel as if they'd be better off without me around. But without a job and income I have nowhere to go. I feel like a drain financially and honestly don't feel like I'm setting a good example for our son with no job skills, almost 50 and employers don't like that. I don't generally talk about what I'm feeling but today I told husband how I don't like myself anymore because of how he treats me, and got not reaction other than 'im trying to do better' and 'i feel like I'm talking to a wall '. But...... You're not listening to mebwhen I try to talk to you. I just don't know what to do anymore.
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