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TwinkiePizza141
86 M Embraced
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2020 Member sinceMarch 16, 2020
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My struggle
Addiction Support / by TwinkiePizza141
Last post
 September 17th, 2020
...See more My father was a porn and sex addict, and it led to my parents' divorce and significant trauma for me as a child. Many of these traumas were from my mom, in her hurt and pain, labeling men as pigs, etc. I took that upon myself. When I was a teenager I first sought out porn out of curiosity, and it progressed from there. I stopped for a few years then picked it back up in my early 20s. After getting pretty heavily into porn and masturbation at that time, I sat myself down and made some serious changes. I went five years without hardcore porn usage, although occasionally seeking out relatively more mild things that I shouldn't have. Less than a month ago I fell back in. My wife found out last night and all of my mistakes have been brought out in the air. She has her own traumas about this stuff, and it's picked at her over our marriage, and she's ready to end this. In an odd way, I feel lighter than ever. My mistakes being in the open take away so much of the anxiety and fear I had about vulnerable relationships. All my dirt is on the table, and I can be open and free. My biggest concerns are 1. My wife and 2. Not going back. I know I can do it. Any kind words or perspective or encouragement are more than welcome.
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