Uglyduckling1988 Member Profile

I'm not sure where to post this but I need some advice

Relationship Stress / by Uglyduckling1988

June 8th

...See more So my fiance and I have been seeing each other a long time and hopefully we will be getting married next year. He has Autism and I suspect I too have Autism and anxiety. He gets help from his state and gets SSI among other things. He doesn't drive so he depends on Uber and a person who works for his county to help him get around and help with cleaning and such. I don't have any problem with that of course. My fiance has a had a few of these helpers and this guy has been the longest one. It was his dad's idea for him to have this person but I feel like he is depending on this person too much he used to be so much more independent before this however he did have a hard time keeping certain places clean but he's way better now. My fiance tells me things this person has said, done and not done that he should have done. It mostly bothers me when my fiance tells me how his helper gawks at other women and makes comments of a certain nature and insinuates about my fiance cheating on me which he would never do. It makes me feel like I don't exist and ugly and such. My fiance is too scared to tell his caseworker about it because he doesn't want to get yelled at by the helper or my fiance's dad plus he doesn't have many people he can depend on where he lives right now his family mostly lives in other states and I can't live there until hopefully next year because of his SSI. He has also told me other things this person has done and not done. This person has stolen items and food from my fiance and he doesn't have a lot of money to replace things. This person frequently drinks all my fiance's bottle wate and has eating his special food that he needs because he was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabtetes but he is getting help with that and losing weight. This person has taken my fiance's food he gets from the free store marketplace like a food bank and uses my fiance to get free food for him and his mother. This person has broken many things including a framed poster from the 80s what was my fiances mom who passed away last year. My fiance's dad has given this person money which is not allowed because of who he works for. He frequently makes excuses to not show up on his days he's supposed to come to my fiance's house and sometimes does the no call no show stuff as well. My fiance will be up and waiting for him with the front door open and he never shows up. He doesn't clean very well either and rushes through everything and goes through my fiance's personal stuff like boxes I have sent him in the mail and dresser drawers and stuff. My fiance doesn't like his things touched. These are just the things I know of. I helped my fiance write up something to send to his caseworker about it but not sure if he will ever send it. I'm just frustrated and feel like this person just keeps getting away with stuff. I don't like the way this person talks about certain things and makes me feel and my fiances knows this but I don't know how else to help him and get something done. I'm not saying this person should be outright fired but he needs a talking to at least he's not very unprofessional and acts entitled and inconsiderate. There is nothing I can do though my fiance has to do it. I just feel like this person needs to be held accountable. What would you do in this situation? Any and all advice is appreciated. Thank you. Hope this is ok to ask here.

Stuck and feeling hopeless because of controlling parents

Relationship Stress / by Uglyduckling1988

May 3rd, 2025

...See more My fiance and I were planning on moving in together and getting married this year. We had all these plans doing ubereats and doordash together and having our own baking business and I was going to have my own Etsy shop. He has Autism and I was finally going to try and get evaluated for Autism myself when I moved in with him. I had so much anxiety telling my mom but I finally did and at first everyone was ok with it until my mom decided she had to talk to his dad about it. The condo my fiance lives in is technically owned by his mom even though she hasn't lived there in 10 years. His dad made him tell his mom and she basically flipped out saying no to everything she doesn't even want to meet me. She won't let anyone live with my fiance until she's dead. So basically everything fell apart. Rob's dad talked to his mom so now I can visit him anytime I want I just can't live there. My mom wants me to get birth control first but I have never been on it before and have pretty bad health anxiety when it comes to side effects and stuff. I want to visit him in October because a huge dream of mine could come true if I'm able to be there then but I just feel completely hopeless right now. My mom keeps saying my car is too old and won't make the trip there. He lives in Ohio and I live in Virginia. He gets SSI for his Autism so he can't work much and I have never been successful in getting a job because of my anxiety which my mom has been in denial of for as long as I can remember she thinks it's a game or phase which is why I have never been able to get help. We don't want to have to wait until his mom passes away to have a life together but we can't just run away we would be cut off from all money and help plus my mom pays my car insurance right now. I don't want my godmother to be right when she told me I'm never getting married. What should we do? I feel very hopeless, defeated and controlled right now. Any help is appreciated. Thank you.

I haven't posted in very long time but could use some help please

Anxiety Support / by Uglyduckling1988

February 22nd, 2025

...See more This is my first post in a very long time. I wasn't sure where exactly to post this but since it does have a lot to do with anxiety I decided to post it here. To start, I have been through a lot over the last few years. In 2021, I lost my Aunt and my Dad. In 2022 I lost my Uncle and my cat, in 2023 I lost my dad's best friend and just last year I lost my other Aunt to breast cancer. I don't have a lot of family left but I do have my amazing fiance and we are making plans for me to move to his condo in Ohio hopefully sometime this year. I'm in Virginia right now for perspective. We're turning his old bedroom into my office right now. The only problem is my mom doesn't know yet and I have no idea how to even talk to her about this stuff. I'm almost 40 years old and she still calls me child and treats me like a child and so does my godmother. I'm just tired of it all. I have dreams and I want to have a life but I fear being stuck where I am forever and with the way the country is right now it's scary not knowing what's going to happen next. My fiance and I are both on Medicaid right now. He has Autism and I suspect that I do too but I haven't been diagnosed yet because my mom has been in denial for so long it was only recently that she admitted that I probably do have Autism. I have also struggled with anxiety my whole life and I get overwhelmed really easily sometimes. I either shutdown or meltdown when that happens. My mom is always trying to tell me what I can't do. She outright told me that I can't be a writer it's too hard and said I don't have the discipline to do a work from home job but I have 2 YouTube channels with my Fiance right now and we're planning on doing Doordash and Ubereats together too. I just have to get over my fear of driving on the interstate I tried once when I was learning how to drive and ended up having a panic attack and haven't tried since even though lately I have been wanting to try again but my mom says my car is too old for long road trips even though we have been to Florida and back multiple times in that car before. I just don't know what to do. my mom along with my godmother say things to me like you're never getting married you have to take care of us and push us around in wheelchairs. My godmother scare me actually she has called me all kinds of names and has said multiple times she will beat my you know what. I want a life. I have a bucketlist and sometimes I feel like deleting it because of everything but I haven't yet. The top thing on my bucketlist is going to comic con and meeting my favorite Actress and she may be at the Comic Con in Fiance's city in October and I want to be be there more than anything. I live in one of those places that people hardly come to unfortunately. To be honest, it sometimes feels like I live in a bubble I can see out but nobody can see in and I don't know how to escape. My mom treats me like I'm made of glass or something and then complains that I don't have a life. It's so confusing. I just want to be free I guess. I get the what ifs in my head all the time especially lately. I don't really have any friends either. I have always felt too weird for anyone to like me or anything and then I met my Fiance on Twitter before then I always feared that I would be alone forever and I hate that I feel like I have to be allowed to have a life. Everyone else can have a life why cant't I? Tired of my anxiety and my mom holding me back. If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated and always looking for friends as well. Thanks for reading and hopefully understanding.

Mother Treats Me Like A Child

Family & Caregivers / by Uglyduckling1988

April 13th, 2021

...See more This may be long so please bear with me. I live with my mother and godmother and it is unbearable. They treat me like I'm 12 years old or something. I never do anything right. I have never had a job because of my bad anxiety and I may have Autism. I have never been diagnosed because my mother has always been in denial. She thinks I'm just playing games. Well yesterday there was a huge blowup. I got surrounded by the both of them. They wouldn't let me leave. My fiance was on skype at the time and heard everything and recorded it. This went on for over an hour. My fiance was supposed to come see me but not anymore for now. My mother and godmother made fun of the both of us. Called us all kinds of names. We are both over 30 years old and he has Autism and ADHD. We got made fun of for our weight. I got threatened to get hit. I got called *** and ***. They basically pried stuff out of me. I was too scared to talk and was shaking. I feel like I'm being pulled between them and my fiance and dad. I got made fun of for how I do things and the way that I dress. They are so wishy washy. One minute it's all good and they want my fiance and i to be together and the next it's like he and I are the worst people in the world. I can't really tell them anything I get too scared. I can't move in with my dad there isn't enough room and my fiance lives in another state and doesn't drive because of poor eyesight. I just recently got a car again but everyone keeps saying it won't do long trips, I am not allowed to go, and they will disable my car. It's like they want me to stay a little kid forever, never have a life and love of my own. I feel stuck and all I want is to be far away from here. I am not allowed to be myself. My godmother thinks she knows better than me and thinks I am stupid. Apparently she uses her son to spy on my social media for her so my instagram account is now private. I just don't know what to do. Any advice is truly appreciated and sorry this is so long. (Edited for content by @peaceloveandpaws)

Not really sure where to post this but I need to get this out.

Anxiety Support / by Uglyduckling1988

November 16th, 2020

Bad Anxiety Right Now

Anxiety Support / by Uglyduckling1988

April 5th, 2020

Uglyduckling88's Diary: Feel free to comment

Journals & Diaries / by Uglyduckling1988

January 1st, 2020

...See more I just really need a place to vent. For starters, I have Social Anxiety. I have never had a job because of it and I have tried to get one many times but never had an interview or anything. I guess it's that whole need experience to get experience thing and I have no idea how to break that cycle, so for now I'm stuck living with my mom and Godmother and that is no picnic. My Godmother is one of the most judgemental people I have ever known. Just tonight she was telling me I needed to wear "real clothes" whatever that is. She makes fun of everything about me like who and what I like, how I dress, how I clean, and just about everything else. She judges everyone not just me. Every commercial that was on TV tonight was stupid to her or gross. She makes fun of everything from people's names to how they dress. She is always saying she wants all the computers of the world to crash. She is stuck in the 60s I swear. She has so many moods you never know what you will get like a box of chocolates. I'm always walking on eggshells around her. I can never relax or be myself. She and my mom always want me to go out to hear local bands but they are almost always in bars and clubs and I don't like those places. I'm an introvert, nerd, and bookworm. I'd rather be in a bookstore or arcade. I've always wanted to go to Comic Con but can't say that in my house, I would get made fun of. I love Supergirl, NCIS LA, Ghost Adventures, X- Files, and Once Upon A Time. I'm a cat person and seriously considering volunteering at my Humane Society but just haven't had the confidence to send the email and find out what to do. I love to draw, write, and do photography. I'm in a LDR with an amazing man who has high functioning Autism and we have been together for almost 10 years now. My Godmother thinks that is stupid as well. She said all men are pigs and scum tonight just because her relationships have been bad. She hates white people especially white males and said if she was president she would send all the white people in the US back to Europe. She hates police, military, famous people, rich people, politicians, and my generation, millennials. I can't stand people like her. I just have to get away. Well that's my story for now.

Walking on eggshells

Anxiety Support / by Uglyduckling1988

September 15th, 2019

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