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Uglyduckling1988
859 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 59 Compassion hearts30 Forum posts39 Forum upvotes63 Current upvotes63 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceJune 16, 2019
Bio

I'm 35 and in an ldr with the love of my life! I have social anxiety and most likely Autism. I love books, writing, photography, drawing, and unicorns! Looking for help, advice, and a friend or 2.

Recent forum posts
Mother Treats Me Like A Child
Family & Caregivers / by Uglyduckling1988
Last post
 April 13th, 2021
...See more This may be long so please bear with me. I live with my mother and godmother and it is unbearable. They treat me like I'm 12 years old or something. I never do anything right. I have never had a job because of my bad anxiety and I may have Autism. I have never been diagnosed because my mother has always been in denial. She thinks I'm just playing games. Well yesterday there was a huge blowup. I got surrounded by the both of them. They wouldn't let me leave. My fiance was on skype at the time and heard everything and recorded it. This went on for over an hour. My fiance was supposed to come see me but not anymore for now. My mother and godmother made fun of the both of us. Called us all kinds of names. We are both over 30 years old and he has Autism and ADHD. We got made fun of for our weight. I got threatened to get hit. I got called *** and ***. They basically pried stuff out of me. I was too scared to talk and was shaking. I feel like I'm being pulled between them and my fiance and dad. I got made fun of for how I do things and the way that I dress. They are so wishy washy. One minute it's all good and they want my fiance and i to be together and the next it's like he and I are the worst people in the world. I can't really tell them anything I get too scared. I can't move in with my dad there isn't enough room and my fiance lives in another state and doesn't drive because of poor eyesight. I just recently got a car again but everyone keeps saying it won't do long trips, I am not allowed to go, and they will disable my car. It's like they want me to stay a little kid forever, never have a life and love of my own. I feel stuck and all I want is to be far away from here. I am not allowed to be myself. My godmother thinks she knows better than me and thinks I am stupid. Apparently she uses her son to spy on my social media for her so my instagram account is now private. I just don't know what to do. Any advice is truly appreciated and sorry this is so long. (Edited for content by @peaceloveandpaws)
Not really sure where to post this but I need to get this out.
Anxiety Support / by Uglyduckling1988
Last post
 November 16th, 2020
...See more So it's been awhile since I last posted. Things have been going ok mostly. My mom and godmother love to talk about me behind my back. I get called clueless, brat, and worthless just to name a few. Nothing I do is good enough and all of this makes my anxiety go through the roof. I start shaking uncontrollably and end up breaking down in tears. My heart races and I get butterflies in my stomach. My face gets all red and I sometimes break out into a rash. I really hate living like this everyday. My godmother judges everything and everyone and is extremely loud so they think I can't hear them when I can. They always put my godmother's son on a pedestal like he can do no wrong and everything i do is wrong. I don't clean right, I don't cook right, I don't even listen to the right music according to them. The only time I feel completely relaxed is when they are both gone. I am working on finding a job hopefully it works out this time. Many times I have wanted to just runaway but I can't because I don't have a car and hardly any money. Sorry but I am trying so hard not to hate them right now. I don't want to hate them but they make it so hard sometimes, It's like i am the black sheep or something. I just want to be free to be me. Thank you for reading.
Bad Anxiety Right Now
Anxiety Support / by Uglyduckling1988
Last post
 April 5th, 2020
...See more My anxiety is bad right now and I don't really know why. Haven't had a lot of sleep so that's a reason but also I'm stuck in the house right now my state is on a stay at home order and I'm not used to not going out. I get bored really easily and my mind starts to spiral with bad thoughts mostly about my amazing fiance who I love more than anything. He still goes out even though he's not supposed to either right now and I worry and I just want it all to stop I just don't know how. If anyone has any tips or suggestions it would be appreciated.
Uglyduckling88's Diary: Feel free to comment
Journals & Diaries / by Uglyduckling1988
Last post
 January 1st, 2020
...See more I just really need a place to vent. For starters, I have Social Anxiety. I have never had a job because of it and I have tried to get one many times but never had an interview or anything. I guess it's that whole need experience to get experience thing and I have no idea how to break that cycle, so for now I'm stuck living with my mom and Godmother and that is no picnic. My Godmother is one of the most judgemental people I have ever known. Just tonight she was telling me I needed to wear "real clothes" whatever that is. She makes fun of everything about me like who and what I like, how I dress, how I clean, and just about everything else. She judges everyone not just me. Every commercial that was on TV tonight was stupid to her or gross. She makes fun of everything from people's names to how they dress. She is always saying she wants all the computers of the world to crash. She is stuck in the 60s I swear. She has so many moods you never know what you will get like a box of chocolates. I'm always walking on eggshells around her. I can never relax or be myself. She and my mom always want me to go out to hear local bands but they are almost always in bars and clubs and I don't like those places. I'm an introvert, nerd, and bookworm. I'd rather be in a bookstore or arcade. I've always wanted to go to Comic Con but can't say that in my house, I would get made fun of. I love Supergirl, NCIS LA, Ghost Adventures, X- Files, and Once Upon A Time. I'm a cat person and seriously considering volunteering at my Humane Society but just haven't had the confidence to send the email and find out what to do. I love to draw, write, and do photography. I'm in a LDR with an amazing man who has high functioning Autism and we have been together for almost 10 years now. My Godmother thinks that is stupid as well. She said all men are pigs and scum tonight just because her relationships have been bad. She hates white people especially white males and said if she was president she would send all the white people in the US back to Europe. She hates police, military, famous people, rich people, politicians, and my generation, millennials. I can't stand people like her. I just have to get away. Well that's my story for now.
Walking on eggshells
Anxiety Support / by Uglyduckling1988
Last post
 September 15th, 2019
...See more So not sure exactly where to post this but here is my issue: A person I live with I swear she has bipolar or something. One minute she is nice as she can be and the next she's jumping down mine or anyone for that matter throat for no reason. She is making my anxiety go through the roof. I'm terrified to be around her. I never know how she is going to be and I don't know what to do. I have no where else to go and no job but I have been trying to find one and applying with no luck. I just don't know how much more I can take. I think everyone is terrified of her nobody will stand up to her. If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. I'm at my wit's end here. I just want to be happy and not terrified and walking on eggshells all the time.
Social Anxiety and Finding a Job Advice
Anxiety Support / by Uglyduckling1988
Last post
 July 2nd, 2019
...See more I am currently trying to find a job so I can save up to get out of my terrible living situation but am having a bit of a hard time. I have tried to find a job everywhere I have lived but have always been unsuccessful mostly because of my social anxiety but I am trying to push through it so I can have my own life. I have yet to find my passion in life but I love photography, drawing, writing, and baking. I don't have any real experience just from doing odd jobs here and there. I do have a resume though. I am mostly looking for direction and/or ideas so any and all will be extremely helpful. Thank you for reading.
Not doing well today
Anxiety Support / by Uglyduckling1988
Last post
 June 21st, 2019
...See more Today has not been so good. I've had a headche ever since I woke up and I had a job interview today but arrived late and was too embarrassed to go in. Not sure it would have went well anyway especially with me being late. I misjudged how long it would take to get there. Not sure how I feel about it. Can't stop beating myself up over it. I have always been told that you have to be early and/or on time for interviews. I'm usually early for everything. I have applied at other places but haven't heard back yet.
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