Uhhhhnousername Member Profile

...See more (Sorry if I put this in the wrong place, Ive never used a forum before) Uh hi. I have anxiety (general/social),(obsession focused) OCD and Im pretty sure I had depression for a while but I didnt have that diagnosed. I dont want to go into my background surrounding mental illness/disorders but heres the basics; couple years ago I went the ER where I almost lost my sight in one eye to an infection. Spent a week there and afterward had a huge scar on my eye. Was basically bedridden for a couple months and barely went to school. I got really depressed and had low self esteem (from the scar), which eventually led to body image issues in general. I stopped talking to my best friend because my social anxiety would make me hate to be around her because it was so awkward, and we no longer had anything in common. Ive been homeschooled since. In the next couple years my depression would be on and off. Last year I had a drop in my emotional/mental state and got anxiety attacks. My mom took me to a psychiatrist and I got diagnosed with anxiety and OCD and was prescribed anxiety meds. That was a huge mistake. It had a bad reaction to my mental state and I ended up having panic attacks / mania episodes. The worst was when I had an all day long panic attack and ended up the ER to make sure I wasnt extremely dehydrated/had kidney issues (I was showing symptoms of that). Got switched to other meds which have been working fine so far. Sorry that was so long, I wanted to get to my issue/question but I didnt know how without explaining the backstory to this. Basically I feel really lonely. I have personal issues but I dont have anyone I trust enough to talk to about it, even my parents. My mom has taken me to some therapy appointments but I just cant talk to the therapist, and I know I probably never will. I dont have any friends. My closest friend is my older sister but I only see her about every three days since shes at school/work a lot. I have younger siblings but of course I cant talk to them about my personal issues. As I stated earlier I used to have a best friend, but I left her (and Im not sure whether or not I regret that). Im homeschooled (although Ive barely done homework this school year because of my anxiety/OCD issues), I dont go to any classes or social events, so theres not really anywhere for me to meet anyone, and even if I did, I doubt I would be able to trust them or if we would connect. My mom suggested that I take an art class with my sister to meet people but I know I wont talk to anyone... So im basically super lonely and dont have friends to talk to but Im too scared to talk to anyone online or in real life. If you have any advice about making friends irl (or online, but thats not really what Im looking for), that would be great. It was really hard for me to write this since I have so much anxiety. Im afraid my parents will be upset that I wrote this for strangers to reply to. Ill probably delete this account later but idk. Any advice is appreciated. Not really comfortable chatting one on one but I will reply to comments. Thanks.

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