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ValeIsHere
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2026 Member sinceJune 13, 2021
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Can't take it anymore
Family & Caregivers / by ValeIsHere
Last post
 August 13th, 2021
...See more Hi i'm 21 y.o and i'm really worried about the state in family the last 5 years. My mother is really depressed, she doesn't feel like doing anything, but my father still does everything as she was the same as always, we keep going anywhere my father wants to , spending the time as he wants, but my mother always feel sad anywhere we are. I agreed with her that maybe we shouldn't do so much things together as it only leads to unhappy experiences and discutions. Instead we should work on her state until we find what is making her so sad, she seems to be happy when we are just doing daily stuff like working, talking about anything irelevant, but the moment we take her free time to be as a family she doesn't seems the same. They have 2 sons and a daughter, me being the oldest. My brother (he is 20)is really bad at studing and has to take a lot of time on it to pass a simple exam, that leads to lots of discutions with my father. My sister, as my father wants to have time as a family(she is really 16), she doesn't understand the situation and is being really mean with my mother, telling her things like "why dont you want to do anything" or "you are so boring". Im sure she will eventually grow up and think about how bad of a time my mother was having all this time. I'm studying university and i've been feeling anxious for 2 years now about my family situation, i've been the only one who went to a psiquiatrist(don't know if thats how you spell that) and I was told that i had severe depression due to this situation, still even if i knowledge the problem, I can't change a thing. I talk every now and then about this with my father, but even if he seems to understand it he is still doing the same things over and over again. Today we were going on a trip he didn't tell us about it until a day before and me, my mother and my brother didn't feel like doing it a lot, we had plans and we were going for 11 days. We started arguing for a long time and ended up talking about my mother's problems and how sad everyone was about the whole family situation, it was the first time anyone apart from me stated that we were not okay to my father. In the end my mother cried and we are still doing the same plan as nothing has happened. My father wont listen me or my brothers cause we are his sons and he doesn't respect any advise from us. And my mother just explains him why is she sad and why she doesn't wants to go anywhere, but my father after listening it all just tries to calm her down and keep the same plan. I don't know what to do, i don't even think my father is even fine about all this. I tried to convince him to go to a psichologist but he told me to never tell him that again(he was really angry about it, his family had a lot of mental illness cases and they all were pretty tought so he thinks that telling someone to go to a psichologist is the same as saying they are totally out of their mind) I can't stay like this, I just feel like something real bad is going to happen if we don't do anything about and I get a really strong pain in my chest whenever I hear him raising his voice at anybody, can't focus, can't enjoy on my own, can't think about anything, please help...
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I want to improve my relationship with my father
Family & Caregivers / by ValeIsHere
Last post
 June 16th, 2021
...See more Hi im 21 years old and I ve been feeling anxiety for a long time because of the relationship I have with my father. I went to a psichologist for 2 months and found out that probably the reason of my anxiety was caused by a fear I feel around my father. My father doesn't physically harrass me and i never felt that I feared him at all, but the way I talked to him, how I acted around him and how I avoided being around him unconsciously we the reason I considered that maybe I do fear him. So, as any other problem i have with a person, I talked to him about it and he just noded and listened to me, trying to understand what might be causing this. My father in some aspects is a really reasonable guy yet so radical minded about some others. Even if he seemed really concerned about this problem he wont consider asisting to therapy or talking anyone about it, he even told me to never tell him again to do so cause he felt it to be an insult (he thinks psichologists are only meant for mental illness) So never told him to do so again but even after talking several times about this matter the situation was the same as always, nothing changed, even specific situations we talked about like knocking my door before entering my room or trying to talk on a lower tone would just stay the same the next day. Im mentally tired of this, I can't focus when studying or rest on my free time because I don't see any improvement. I respect many things from my father, but I cant stand arguing about anything whenever we talk or having to follow his rules even if im 21 and have no reason to do so, still I dont want him to be mad so I try to fullfil most of them. I dont know what should I do, I dont want to leave home because i would make my brothers and mother sad if I do so, but I feel every week i feel this pressure is making me more and more sad and stressed. I have no bigger problems, at the moment im a full time student and im trying my best to learn the most out of my carreer but I feel frustrated because i cant focus as much as i would like to, Sorry if its hard to read or if I had misspelled anything, english is not my first language but i try to improve.
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