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VibrantS0ul
2,495 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts54 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2023 Member sinceMay 19, 2018
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Support Needed
Relationship Stress / by VibrantS0ul
Last post
 November 24th, 2022
...See more I just broke up with my *** boyfriend and I need support. I know I made the right decision. He didn't treat me right. He'd put me down, gaslight me, pressure me into sex, just... Awful. It'll take me a while to heal. I just... Today I feel lonely and... I KNOW logically I made the right choice, but I guess I just need to hear it?
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Ok or....?
Relationship Stress / by VibrantS0ul
Last post
 October 16th, 2022
...See more So, I'm currently in a relationship with this guy. He's... Pretty vocal about what he dislikes. "Please don't get large tattoos. They'll make you look like a thug." "Why do you always dress like a man?" I usually just wear pants. He'd like me to wear more skirts and dresses. "I love your long hair." I really like short hair. "I'd rather you not look like this person from stranger Things from the back." I'm getting really quite frustrated at this point. And a little depressed. Thoughts?
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Is the ok? TW: Sexual content
Relationship Stress / by VibrantS0ul
Last post
 September 8th, 2022
...See more My boyfriend forgets that I'm Bi and asks about a possible threesome with another girl for the **experience**. When I say, I mean, I'm Bi, so I'm down." He's suddenly not ok with it. Like, if it's just you that's enjoying it, it's ok, but when I'd enjoy it too it's suddenly out of the question. Like, wth?
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When do your feelings matter?
Relationship Stress / by VibrantS0ul
Last post
 July 31st, 2022
...See more I have someone in my life that is currently a very complicated relationship. We've been trying to heal and move forward, but something has been bothering me. I make a lot of mistakes because of my ADHD/impulsivity. When we're having those tough conversations, he says talking about my feelings when it's my fault isn't appropriate. Is that true? Because I make so many, it seems like we're always talking about my shortcomings. He said if I was really trying I wouldn't be making the same mistakes over and over again, but... When it's my mental health that's getting in the way of progress, despite my best efforts to change... The worst thing to say to a person with ADHD is that they "aren't trying hard enough," but I do understand his frustration. I just... Don't know how to handle this. Advice?
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Ok or not?
Relationship Stress / by VibrantS0ul
Last post
 July 20th, 2022
...See more TW:Sexual acts and "hazy" consent Recently, I just had... Sex with someone. We had been working on a lot of issues between us over the past few weeks. Earlier that day, I mentioned my problems with intimacy and with saying no to people. When it happened.... I started to say no. Kissing was ok. I guess. I even let him... Grope me a little. It was when his hand traveled south that I stopped him. We continued kissing, he started kissing me lower... And I mentioned just keeping things at kissing. He said he thinks that we were ready, after all the healing we've been doing. And... I ended up saying yes, or just really... Letting him do it. I knew it wouldn't hurt physically... I just. I don't know. I'm looking back on it and feeling... Betrayed. Hurt. Confused. Even angry. I don't know how to respond now. It happened last night and.... We work together today. I don't know what to do... I'm almost... Scared, even.
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Breakup of almost a year
Relationship Stress / by VibrantS0ul
Last post
 July 6th, 2022
...See more TW: SUICIDE ATTEMPT Honestly, I'm so lost rn. I've never been so torn and confused. I've been in a relationship with someone who I now know to be borderline. He didn't tell me before we started dating. It's been... A bumpy ride to say the least. I tried to be supportive to what I thought was his social anxiety. Out of the 11 months we were together, he only met my mother. My younger sister he hated, tho not really unwarranted. Everyone else was eager to meet him. Halfway through the relationship he told me that he might never be comfortable enough to meet the rest of my family. A lot of the things that went wrong in our relationship... I was made to believe was my fault. I wasn't a saint, to be sure, but... He accused me of cheating very early on in our relationship, something I could never be capable of. He's also said some incredibly hurtful things, making me feel slow and stupid, and saying I looked like a $2 whore, things like that. He rephrased it later, saying it was the shirt that made me look that way, but the damage was done. He was very particular about his time, and didn't really have the patience when I went nonverbal. Confrontation scares me, due to trauma, and his response to my coping mechanisms, no eye contact, taking a long time to answer, shutting down, was to "find a new coping mechanism." He just got progressively meaner, less patient. He often said that I didn't love them, that I didn't care, that I never made him a priority in my life, things like that. I honestly don't know how much of it was my fault, how much of it was his, but it got to the point when I just couldn't trust my emotions around him, couldn't trust myself to stick up for myself, so I broke things off and blocked him. Then things got scary... Albeit, I didn't give him a chance to say his piece, but he got incredibly obsessive. He came to my house and knocked on all our doors and windows. We worked at the same place and he continually bothered me while I was working, begging me to take him back... He would look at my break schedule and come looking for me. He would wait until I got off and ambushed me. I continually asked for space but he wouldn't give it to me. I later talked with him twice, let him say what he wanted. He wrote me letters and I read them. Even with that, he wouldn't give me the space I wanted. I got our higher ups involved in an attempt to get him to back off. The attempts on his part continued. At one point I considered and even told others I'd file a restraining order. And then... The suicide attempt. He'd been asking a friend of ours to send me messages because he was blocked, and I'd finally had enough. I'd had enough letters, enough messages, and I wanted them to stop, and I told our friend just as much. Then he threatened suicide. I was at work at the time. Someone asked if I was ok and I broke down. I honestly couldn't tell anymore if he was serious, if he was just trying to manipulate me into staying with him, I don't know. Higher ups got involved, I didn't know what to do, neither did they, but I couldn't work anymore, so I went home while they tried to contact him. The next day I believe is when he actually attempted. Our mutual friend was in a panic and wanted me to join the search. I didn't...not because I didn't care but...because I just didn't feel safe emotionally around him. He ended up being at a hotel we hadn't even been to so there was no way for me to know where he was. Everyone around said it wasn't my responsibility to calm down an emotionally unstable person, especially when I myself wasn't emotionally stable. Later on I decided to talk to him. I became so frustrated and confused with everyone's absolute hatred toward him. I wanted to and needed to talk to him. I apologized immensely for not being there.... It's been one or two weeks since that's happened. I was clear I didn't want a relationship with anybody, especially after everything that's happened. Each interaction consisted of... Me consoling him, us banging, and me groveling for forgiveness. Yeah, I know. And nobody knows about us either. The entire relationship I had with him felt like me fighting constantly just to be considered enough. And it feels like that hasn't changed, he just has more ammunition. I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel like what we have is toxic, but when we're together those voices are quiet. Maybe they shouldn't be. With how he reacted last time, I don't even know how to break things off officially without him getting obsessive again. I feel like he's starting to hate me... I don't want that, but it might make things different if I tried again. I don't know. Obviously this is just my side, but at this point... I dunno, I think I'm good for him either. I'm tired of groveling, I'm tired of not feeling good enough, and I'm tired of his passive aggressiveness and mean comments. I didn't like it when we were together and I don't like it now... Sighhh. I'd just like some input, advice, anything at this point. If I involve my family again they'll just go apeshit again.
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