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Wanderinglost80
1 250 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2026 Member sinceApril 8, 2020
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Lost in friendshipville…
Friendship Support / by Wanderinglost80
Last post
 January 29th
...See more Sorry this is long, just looking for outside input perspective. About me: I’m 45, married 23yrs, have 21yr old dtr away in college. We’ve moved a lot and I don’t have any close friends where I live….except….. Hubby & i are mutual friends w another couple. We’ll call them Carrie & Brad. Been friends since 2017. Gone camping several times and to Jamaica & Punta Cana together. At one point we’d hang out several days a wk together. They each had two kids from prev marriage then had one child together. Carrie drinks a lot. She has progressively gotten worse with her narcissistic behavior. Belittles Brad. Has called the youngest (who is now 6) names to her face and has been verbally abusive to everyone in her household. Her own two older children are very aware of her poor behavior but don’t live at home anymore so they aren’t directly involved as much now. His kids have asked him to leave her. She’s rude to us and other friends. Talked *** about other mutual friends behind their back. I’ve heard things she’s said about me. Has had meltdowns over bs (example: we went camping in the fall and brads mom who has fragile health and lives w them ended up in the er. Carrie lost her *** and accused her of faking it to manipulate Brad. Yelling at him in front of others that she never would’ve married him if she knew she’d have to help take care of his mom. Reality is his mom had cancer when she met him and this time she had a stroke.) She has gotten to the point that she has had these meltdowns in public. Last yr I started quiet quitting and just not going over to hang out w them. My husband would overlook her behavior because he’d be more engaged w Brad when we would be there. I have chronic health issues and would rather spend my good days in peace and not listening to her belittle her husband and kids and be rude to me all the same. Brads mom then passed away a couple mths ago. Carrie agreed they needed to work on their marriage but needed to stop hanging out “partying” with friends so much. We kinda all agreed initially, focus on your relationship. Yes. But she started isolating Brad and the kids from being around anybody. In Nov a group had planned a small trip to an away nfl game. the trip was her idea, planned several mths prior. I didn’t want to go because I didn’t wanna deal w her inevitable meltdowns, but I didn’t say so. I just said our dtr might be home from college as it was thanksgiving wkend so we’d have to see. they made reservations with out confirming w us if both or either of us were going. Then we found out they only got my husband a ticket and said “Carrie said <insert my name here> won’t go because she won’t leave her dtr”. So apparently wanting to spend time w my kid was weaponized against me. But nonetheless, My husband went alone because he didn’t want to back out after they already got his ticket 😒 and he did actually want to go anyway. Carrie and Brad almost didn’t go at all but did show up for the last night of the 3 night trip. She had a massive meltdown there. And has essentially completely isolated Brad from friends and his family (a close family member with kids the same age as theirs who are also very close). FF to her starting counseling then canceling appts because the copay was expensive (after she bought herself 3 pairs of shoes). Brad finally stood his ground and called her out to change or he’ll file divorce. She’s allegedly doing better (second hand info from my husband, idk). We all went to dinner recently and she again acted like an ***. I told my husband I’m over it and don’t wanna hang out w them anymore. Last wk Brad was set on contacting an attorney and getting his affairs set to leave her. Now she agreed to couples therapy and they left today for a trip out of state she planned a few mths ago. Idk. She txtd me yesterday out of the blue (we haven’t talked but minimal in mths) about a cute news article she said reminded her of me she thought I’d like. My husband said maybe she’s trying to make amends. ***. I have no love loss for her and refuse to move on and pretend her behavior is excusable unless she directly acknowledges her behavior and apologizes. Of note, during all this time my husband and Brad have still maintained contact with each other, daily phone calls etc. just not physically hanging out. I’m kinda stuck as their friendship is fine. I just feel like an accessory to the party at this point. I can’t ‘hate’ her and NOT be ‘friendly’ w her if they stay married and he and my husband maintain their friendship (which I fully support! Brad is a great guy and they are great friends!) so I feel stuck. I’ll will add this as well. We have becomes friends w brads family member - “Jackie” and her husband. I am very set in my moral/political stance, especially given the current affairs going on in our country. Jackie & her husband are on the other side. Tbh idk HOW far on the other side they are as we aren’t close enough for deeper discussions and I haven’t asked. But I’ve been clear to my husband that if they support the other side more than I’m comfortable with then I don’t want to be friends w them. It’s a matter of difference in morals. He is more forgiving and willing to see past it as “but they’re good people”. But that’s not my definition of “good people” right now. I spend a lot of time alone all day. I wfh full time. My only interaction most days is w my husband. No other local friends. I do go to yoga 1-2 days a wk so I know the girls there, but not close enough to talk outside of class. When I tried to vent to my mom about carries awful behavior my mom’s response was “well I hope you don’t talk about me like that”. But I’ve never been able to go to her for support or guidance so no surprise. I’m just lost. And lonely. My husband says I expect too much. That I won’t find someone who has the same morals and interests as me. That it’s not possible. ‘You’ll always have different opinions and not always agree on things.” I understand that however to me morals and ethics are not the same as favoring Pepsi vs Coke. I want to be around actual good people. People I feel comfortable being myself around without knowing I’ll be judged behind my back. Am I asking too much? Am I the problem?
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