Wanderlust0011 Member Profile

Confused?? Anxiety? Anxious attachment? Insecurity?

Relationship Stress / by Wanderlust0011

March 13th, 2022

...See more My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and he is the best boyfriend I can ask for. He’s patient, understanding, supportive, sweet, and always pushes me to become a better person. He has always validated my feelings and changes any behavior that makes me uncomfortable or sad. But lately, I have been feeling weird. I have mild depression and really bad anxiety when it comes to my relationship and deep insecurity issues. I feel as though this is starting to take a heavy toll on me and thus, I can’t be my best in our relationship. He thinks he’s doing something wrong when in fact, it’s all in my head. It makes me sad that I could possibly be ruining my own relationship. I come from a working class family and my parents have not achieved higher education and work almost 7 days a week in order to make ends meet. On the other hand, he comes from a well off family and his mom makes a lot of money so he doesn’t truly know what the value of money is. He spends a lot of money on non essentials and his lifestyle revolves around a lot of money being used such as going shopping etc. When we hang out like go to the mall or eat out, we take turns paying for things. And most of the times that I pay, I’m honestly really broke and have to ask my parents for money. I pay for my own tuition and have been struggling to pay rent because I am waiting on a job so I feel really guilty asking them for more money in addition to the help I’ve been receiving from them lately. This guilt really makes me sad because I feel really bad for my parents who work so hard. They rarely get anything new for themselves and yet here I am spending it on stuff that I feel like I don’t deserve to. This causes me to get frustrated and I can’t exactly communicate this with him because as understanding as he is, I’m embarrassed to let him know of the financial situation I am in. We’re young college students, I think it’s too early on in the relationship to talk about things like that. I also don’t want to feel inferior for my family background. Anyways, I tend to overthink and blame my lack of financial freedom for a lot of my insecurities. My wardrobe, my hair, my nails, lashes, my appearance, I feel like I don’t look my best because I can’t afford to. And when we go to parties where most of his friends are rich and can splurge money to make themselves look good and have “good” fashion taste, I feel very insecure and have low self esteem. I feel like I am not on the same level as them. I start overthinking and get jealous of the other girls. I also am really insecure about being flat chested and somehow all the girls in our circles have boobs, so it’s been eating me up inside everytime we go out. I don’t want to be controlling or act jealous because I know he loves me and has never given me a reason to question his love. My insecurities have really distanced me from him and I don’t know what to do or how to overcome this. Please let me know ):

What should i do?

Relationship Stress / by Wanderlust0011

February 25th, 2021

A year later still hurting

Relationship Stress / by Wanderlust0011

February 23rd, 2021

Advice Please - Did I Make The Righh Decision

Relationship Stress / by Wanderlust0011

February 19th, 2021

...See more I ended my year plus relationship with my boyfriend a month ago. We’re good friends and have known each other for almost 9 years. Our relationship was great but it also had some downs. We got together first year of college and spent almost every day together. I initially did not want to start a relationship with him because our contrasting cultures would make it impossible to have a future. College was hard and it was nice having someone I was familiar with and we got really comfortable with each other. The first few months at college, I noticed he started getting too comfortable with me. He stopped putting in effort to take me out and such. We went out on an actual date once within the next 3 months. I understand we spent almost every day together but I think quality time is different from doing hw together and such. Around our 6 months, we attended his club’s party together where he got drunk and kept leaning on a girl that was also part of that club. I know he doesn’t get drunk easily and barely had anything to drink. Also when he is drunk, he’s usually still aware of his behavior. Anyways, they kept leaning on each other the whole night and when I tried to take care of him and give him water he pushed me off. I spent the rest of the night by myself not knowing the other people just crying in the bathroom and he never even noticed. That same night, we all went to his brother’s apartment where he even invited the girl to come with us. The girl was passed out drunk and he even carried her and let her sleep on his brother’s bed. I was busy taking care of everyone else. Because there was no room for me and my best friend to sleep, and he claimed his parents were coming early in the morning so we shouldn’t stay over. However, my best friend fell asleep on his brother’s bed and he started getting mad saying he his brothers and the girl were supposed to sleep on the bed and she was taking up all the room and should just go home. This bothered me because he would rather have a girl he just met this year sleep on his brothers bed than our mutual friend we’ve known for almost 9 years as well. Time goes by and I ended up forgiving this. I never actually told him how the girl made me feel. Weeks later I would go home during the weekends and I come to find out he has been texting a girl asking if she wants to party with him and his friends. The girl approached me in a class and it hurt so much. The text showed how he was planning on coming over with his friend to their dorm and even put sad emojis when she said her roommate (who likes him) wasn’t there. We almost broke up but I ended up forgiving him. Then the pandemic hit and we ended up going back to our individual homes. Throughout the summer I felt so confused and insecure. There were so many occasions where I noticed he would still try to get girls attention over the school year. I remember he told me about one girl who grabbed him by his arm and asked to take him to her dorm and he refused. However, a few months later I come to find out he followed her on Instagram. I tried confronting him about this but he ended up getting mad that I care about who he follows and I apologized. Months later and I feel the lack of effort on his part. He always shows how deeply sorry he is and I always forgave him. It felt like he was only meeting up with me for the sex and dates felt like obligations to him. He only posted me once on his social media yet he posts about sports all the time. On my birthday he made me cry too. Then one day I told him my frustrations about the lack of effort he makes in seeing me and he got mad and he talked about how much he sacrifices to be with me. I asked him what he meant by this and he said how he feels bad for lying to his parents about where he is whenever we hang out together. So to put an end to my sleepless nights of doubts and pain I broke up with him. I told him I deserved better than a guy who doesn’t know if he sees a future with me. He is very persistent and would text me about how sad he is etc. I ended up responding back and we text daily now. He says he’s gonna tell his parents about us and fight for us eventually. He’s working on himself to prove to his parents that he can still do anything even with a relationship with someone out of their culture. He says he doesn’t want me to wait for him. I’m very confused. Deep down inside I love him so much despite everything he put me through. He said I can move on but he will keep trying to get me back eventually. I don’t know if I should keep talking to him or to ignore him. It’s sort of hard to do this because we have classes together. I still enjoy talking to him and worry that I made the wrong decision of breaking up with him. It’s so hard to know he made me feel so insecure yet I’m willing to forgive him still. Please help me I feel lost.

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