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WarfrontInc
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PathStep 3 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2018 Member sinceOctober 26, 2018
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Battle between heart and mind - Divorce struggle
Relationship Stress / by WarfrontInc
Last post
 October 27th, 2018
...See more Hi all, brand new here, but really needing to vent I guess.Quick (or maybe not so much) back story on my situation: I met my soon-to-be ex-wife in May of 2015 at work, and I truly thought it was "love at first sight". She was beautiful, funny, and conveniently single - it was almost too good to be true. We exchanged numbers and began texting each night. She was perfect, I thought. We had so much in common, and she said all the right things. We had our first date a month later in June, and while she was fun, there were some huge red flags right away. In person outside of work, she was too loud and abbrasive for my taste. A little too bold and in-your-face, and she lives an incredibly chaotic life as a first responder. Her schedule is always changing, she has a very stressful job, and she's become a very cold person due to the trauma she's been exposed to. Despite these red flags (I completely recognized them, and chose to think things would "get better because these are just growing pains"), I pushed forward and she moved in with me just a month into dating. We barely knew each other at all, and I knew that was a dangerous gamble, but I told myself we would get to know each other better once she lived with me. Crazy, I know. We began having knockdown, drag-out arguments (never physical) from about a month in. The kind of arguments where one storms out of the house, sleeps on the couch, etc. These continued, but we would have some good times, and I would tell myself "this is normal to work out the kinks". We got engaged after 10 months, and eventually married last June. We both I believe in our heart of hearts knew we shouldn't go through the wedding, and even almost called it off several times. Instead, we went through with it and are divorcing four months later. It was a mutual decision to divorce. We were both unhappy. Being an anxious person, I never felt calm and relaxed around her because she thrived in drama and chaos, so her schedule was always changing, she was always wound up. There was very little in the way of a sex life from the start, and I never felt I was getting enough affection from her. She refused to help around the house (I'm not even exagerating when I say I did everything), and was not willing to bend on that. She felt controlled by me, because I'm too routine of a person for her taste, and admitedly, my co-dependent attachment played a big part in pushing her away. In closing, she moved out of the house (at my request) last month. We have no children or belongings together, so the divorce will be pretty straight forward. I deleted her from all social media, and our only communication is business only. I wanted this, as did she, and I'm certain in my mind this is for the better. But in my heart, I miss her like hell. We were bad for each other, and my mind knows that, but my heart misses that friend, and our inside jokes and good times. Things remind me of her, and end up feeling like crap. I know there is someone out there who will make me happy and treat me how I wish to be treated, and she will find the same, but this just hurts so bad. In the meantime, I've been reading a lot about how to improve myself, spending lots of time with family and friends, and seeing a therapist bi-weekly. Just getting a bit concerned that a month in, I still feel so down.
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