Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
WiekeL
104 M Embraced 1
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2024 Member sinceApril 8, 2015
Bio
Recent forum posts
WiekeL profile picture
Venting about how my parents arguing formed me
Trauma Support / by WiekeL
Last post
 August 20th, 2023
...See more As a child I've not realized my parents' arguing/fighting was having quite the effect on me (as many children don't). In my studies to become a social worker for kids, it's become clear my biggest motivation is to save children from their parents' behavior. Basically what I felt like I've needed. It's taken quite the toll on me realizing this and working through parts of what I've gone through. Now I'm realizing this more and more, I feel the need to vent to some strangers. Feel free to comment with your own stories to find some recognition or anything you'd like. The arguments between my parents have always been severe. Everything could turn into an argument where you could feel the grudges they held against each other. They both felt misunderstood and like the other was doing it on purpose. Ever since I can remember I've heard them shouting, slamming doors, going after each other (because one was walking away and the other didn't agree), packing their bags to leave forever for real this time etc. Some arguments would be resolved in a couple hours, some lasted for over a week (also during the night). As a young kid I've tried to hide in my room or outside, but I could basically hear everything that was going on. Both of them have used me as a listener to complain about how the other was treating them aswel from the age of 5 (if not younger). I've been sat countless times on the couch to hear them say they'd get a divorce for real this time (also way past my bedtime, because they knew I wouldn't be able to sleep anyways). From the age of about 11/12, I've started interrupting them to try and resolve it when I thought the arguments were easily solved if they just listened to one another. Also from that age, my mom started to think I was always agreeing with my dad and blaming me for unfairness. When I was about 15/16 I stopped trying to get involved and also became angry at them for not doing anything and just spoiling my childhood with all this stress (also 'fun' things that are there to release stress like vacations where the biggest 'victim', because they would get spoiled by their fights). I've moved out (partly) at 19 and since then I've been involved mostly through my dad saying how he can't take it anymore, how my mom is crazy and how I should live my own life, but also realize how easy I have it that I was able to move out (since then I've had arguments with my mom basically every time I've come home, but hey, I can get out back to my own life ya know...). Thanks to my studies I've both learned my situation was the cause of a lot of stress and that I do have boundaries. Thanks to those boundaries I've been able to tell my dad I can't get involved in this way and that has resulted in massive arguments where he's told me the most painful things I've heard said to me. Luckily I have an amazing friend who's always there for me and is able to tell me what he's doing is very wrong (he's jealous of me having that friend and being able to tell her all of it, since he has no one other than me to talk about this). I've mostly felt/been alone in this since I'm an only child, the relationship with other family is complicated (and cause of quite a lot of the arguments) and just not understood by adults; the support was there for kids going through the divorce of their parents, but not for me since they wouldn't go through, so it couldn't be that bad. Also I'm/was the quiet, good and intelligent kid, who is/was very good at suppressing feelings. So no one really asked what was really going on. And also looking back, I've just not realized this was an issue. I've always believed the things my parents were saying/fighting about was the issue; the other family that is/was complicated. I feel like this has had a massive impact on my 'relationship-skills'. It just feels so much easier not to bother anyone with my feelings. To just co-exist in the world, but not 'need' anyone. It has caused me to have to extend my studies from 4 years to almost 7 years (since in social studies you do need other people then just yourself), develop social anxiety and just not participate in any romantic/sexual advances ever (I'm 26). Putting this under trauma still feels very uneasy. Hopefully next to venting, this will also help me a acknowledging myself a bit more as well.
WiekeL profile picture
Insecurities
Disability Support / by WiekeL
Last post
 October 11th, 2019
...See more Not sure if this is the right place, but maybe some of you can relate. I've been experiencing pains and fatigue since I was about 14. After bloodwork and talks with a psychologist, I was diagnosed with CFS/ME at 17. At 18 I was considered 'healthy' after cognitive behaviour therapy. And yes indeed, I didn't feel the complete drainage of energy on a day to day basis. I did still experience the pains though. But they said it would get less over time. Well, that didn't happen. If anything, they got worse. 5 years went by where I tried to ignore my body. I was healthy, so I shouldn't appoint myself that way. I would just laugh about the silliness of my body or beat myself up about not trying hard enough. This summer I saw a documentary about undiagnosed illnesses, that somehow gave me the confidence to try just one more time and visit my GP. After my bloodwork came back clear again, she referred me to see a specialist. To my complete surprise, the neurologist took me seriously and told me at my first visit that he believed I might have an auto-immune/muscle disease and he will do all the tests he can. After all these years of ignoring and not believing there was anything going on, I'm now struggling to find out where I stand. On the one hand, I am so relieved that the doctor is taking me seriously and there might be something going on after all. But on the other, I'm so afraid of getting the hit of turning it out to be 'nothing'. The next exam is at the end of November, but I'm busy with this whole thing in my head continually. I'm a bit of a controlfreak and this is just yet another thing my head likes to search control over, but can't. I know I can't do anything at this point, other than to reach out. So, I guess this is a part of reaching out?
Search more from @WiekeL
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
6 total badges
Hand Shake Linked First Post Reaching out Helping out First Compassion
Report an issue