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Willywonkafan
349 M Embraced 3
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2021 Member sinceOctober 16, 2020
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psychosis
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by Willywonkafan
Last post
 October 19th, 2020
...See more i dont really know how to start this, but i think ive been diagnosed with major depressive disorder for about four years now? a year and a half ago i was diagnosed with ptsd. now im not sure if any of those can cause psychosis, but all i know is that ive experienced psychosis more than once. so the main reason for my ptsd is because ive been in very many emotionally abusive relationships. and this is even worse when we add on the fact that my parents werent exactly the best. so as you can imagine i have an awful time navigating relationships and knowing whether they are healthy. when something triggers my ptsd, i usually start to have thoughts like "everyone i know is only talking to me so they can gather information on how to kill me or ruin my reputation" or "theyre only friends with me because they like to see me sad" i start to hear things that arent there, not voices but sounds like someone banging on my window, ringing and beeping noises. when i see things its usally someone chasing me or just random things constantly moving in the corner of my eyes. sometimes i feel things like someoe is pulling or pushing me. sometimes it feels like theres a completely different person in the mirror staring at me and judging almost. sometimes i think like someones controlling my life or im stuck in someone elses body and they like to make my life go in this sick and twisted loop. always the same cycle, i feel good about myself, i find someone i genuinely care about, i get scared theyll leave and feel threatened, i act impulsively and it makes the situation worse, and it ends up just becoming a self fulfilling profecy. i cant tell if the people im around i actually enjoy or i am just trying to relive my trauma and try to change the outcome so that i get some closure. the delusions really affect my relationships, and i honestly dont know any ways to get rid of them. so yeah sorry if this was long or doesnt even make sense because im rambling or something
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