Hello, 

I'm in my mid fifties, from NZ, divorced man, four adult kids. I live in a small quiet town by a lake. I like to go walking over to the lake a few times a day as part of exercise or for peace. I like fishing and cooking, I am happily single and plan to stay so. I call myself medically retired. Long story short, I was a mental health nurse in another life, working in the hard end including maximum security settings. I guess I had ptsd before that career added a few more layers to the geology of me. 

I had undiagnosed type 2 bipolar, started treatment about eight years ago. Somehow the meds did not magically fix everything - indeed I found my baseline functioning declined in areas of executive functioning (I have a rubbish memory and concentration etc on meds). So yeah, I stepped away from the wheel, no longer defining myself by my work identity. Recently I discovered videos on ADHD and now realise my changes from pre treatment to post, are largely driven by a significant undiagnosed ADHD component. 

My plan is to save money for a few years from my social security till I can afford to get an ADHD assessment/diagnosis primarily to inform my Bipolar treatment. My hopes and dreams are to get fit, beat morbid obesity, beat metabolic syndrome, find mental peace, and enjoy my kids/rebuild relations with two of them who I am estranged. I am hoping to be a role model for my family in confronting mental health issues, and show by example, but that is not my driving force, I want to fix me first.

The reason I am looking into this community is that I am wishing to take off the mask, be humble, leave my nursing background at the door and just be me, (whomever that chap is, the task has proved elusive thus far) but I know I just have to let go and see what happens....I spend way too much time in my own head, if you read this far you might be nodding.....or nodding off. Anywho, I am shy, until I am not, so this place seems like it might be a good place for me right now. 

The End.