Yan3398 Member Profile

Unsure of what to do for a feelings for a friend

Relationship Stress / by Yan3398

September 9th, 2021

...See more A few months ago, I (F23) realized that I have feelings for a good friend of mine (M22). He’s a gentleman, kind, smart and very attractive. We get along quite well and people have been rooting for us to get together for some time but that never really happened. We’ve been friends for 5 years now. I want to make a move to let him know how I feel but I’ve been hesitant to do so because he had a flirty “thing” with a friend of mine some time ago and they are still good friends. I find it awkward to think about given what I feel and I don’t want any drama. I found out indirectly that he had feelings for me in the past but I had a boyfriend then and he respected that. Over the weekend, I found out from my best friend that there were moments when he wanted to kiss me, especially the last time we saw each other since its been a year since we met due to the pandemic but couldn’t bring himself to do it out of respect. I thought it was nice but I got worried that maybe that didn’t mean much since people kiss each other without much meaning. I also couldn’t help but feel scared of what drama it could bring since were good friends and I don’t want to feel awkward with the other girl.

I’m confused about my feelings about a guy I’ve been talking to

Relationship Stress / by Yan3398

July 15th, 2021

...See more I had an encounter with a guy while I was walking around a local university and I was a bit struck by him because he had “THAT” aura. I tried to look for him to no avail and fast forward to a month ago when he followed me on IG and I was pretty shocked by this because what are the odds right? We eventually developed a connection in nearly a month and admitted that we are both attracted to each other. He was basically this good communicator until we had a little misunderstanding over his comments or “jokes” about me buying him stuff. I told him that I was a bit uncomfortable with it given that we haven’t pushed through with our plans to meet and that I don’t have much money yet. He apologized and then ended up ghosting me despite our conversation about being open about things that make us uncomfortable. Fast forward to a few days ago, I see him posting stories with his female friend on IG. No problem right? Everyone has friends of the opposite sex but then recently, he shared this story of him with the same friend where they looked like a couple. I am so confused because he was the one who keeps initiating things with me and then I see that and I feel let down and even a bit used. During the time that we connected with each other, I would work on myself and my trust issues due to trauma because I saw potential in the connection that we had. Having him do all this is a bit of a punch to it because just when i was about to open myself to someone, this happened. I feel confused given that they connected that fast just when this fothermucker was telling me that he was hoping that we’ll eventually be together in time. Idk his history with her and whether or not they had something all this time or he moved quickly to her as soon as we had that misunderstanding. I really have no idea and idk if contacting him would be a good idea since I find ghosting to be disrespectful.

[Story] Processing Relationship Trauma

Trauma Support / by Yan3398

July 29th, 2021

...See more I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd, anxiety and depression and taking therapy for many factors and is largely due to experiences with my past relationship. I was in my first serious relationship with a guy I truly loved. We were both young and immature and I wanted nobody else for me then. Before I met him, I was seeing this guy who cheated on me and broke my trust so I was hoping for the best now I’m with someone who I thought that was best for me. During the course of our relationship, he started expressing an interest towards one of my friends who is seen as the prettiest girl in our class and who everyone likes. He wouldn’t compliment me as much as he would to her and even told me that he had a crush on her. I felt second best so I wanted to leave until we managed to sort it out briefly. Things began to go well for us until he expressed his feelings towards his “beautiful and cool” ex who seemed like the one that got away for him. I confronted him about it and our relationship went downhill. Eventually, he admitted that he pretended to have an interest on both girls because he was jealous of an acquaintance of mine who liked me. The damage was already done and I felt incredibly stupid that I let myself stay in it and allowed myself to get hurt. I felt absolutely horrible. This was years ago and I thought I moved on from what happened but everything got triggered when my friends were talking about my old classmate. All the memories came back and i keep getting flashbacks about what happened. My friendship with the girl has become pretty distant even when i wasnt angry at all. Its been hard and i feel stupid because i allowed it to happen to me. Lesson learned

How to bounce back after past memoried have been triggered?

Anxiety Support / by Yan3398

April 27th, 2021

...See more I am in need of support because I am currently experiencing intense anxiety and flashbacks over memories and it is really affecting me mentally. For context, a few days ago, my friends and I have been talking about our days in college and the topic of my ex came up. The conversation carried on to the things he has done, and how I felt that my budding friendship with one of the girls has been ruined. During the conversation, I wasn’t too affected as everyone including myself was certain that I had already moved on and I was sure that I was until I experienced an intense anxiety attack after they left. I had flashbacks of the things he’s done and of my mental state years ago. These went on for days coupled with anxiety attacks and thoughts of self-harm. My thoughts are filled with his lies, regrets about the friendship, shame, and self-doubt. My self-esteem has dropped since then. This came as a complete shock as I was so sure that I had already moved on and that my self-esteem was stable. Every time I get flashbacks about it, I keep crying, would feel like fainting, and would drink at times. I can’t bring myself to get mad at my friends or blame them because it wasn’t their intention to hurt me and it’s not their fault. A bit of context about my past relationship- It was my first serious relationship with a guy that I intended to go long term with. He tried hard to get my attention at first but when I agreed to be his girlfriend, his efforts died down. He would later lie to me about certain things especially about other girls which would make me feel inadequate as I would constantly feel like I was the only one putting the effort in the relationship. He is aware of my life long struggle with depression, social anxiety, and trust issues so his actions came as a surprise. One lie would be him having feelings for one of the girls in my class who I had a budding friendship with. This turned into a mess and I avoided her not because of anger that my ex liked her but because the drama made me feel like she hated me which triggered my anxious feelings about being liked. He would also lie about his past with his ex and would make comments about girls while putting me aside. I later found out that he did all this to punish me for getting attention from other guys (who I do not entertain) and that he was jealous. He claims that he doesn’t actually like those girls but wanted to hurt me by using them. This upset me and completely shattered my mental health and made me doubt who I am as a person. Throughout out relationship, some of my friends would blame me for his actions. This is another trigger for my anxiety and I spent months trying to get away from all the stress. I felt completely unloved and played and it was an immature mistake to have stayed longer than i could deal with. After the breakup, things were going great for me and found myself in a lot of success throughout my life and I managed to build myself up but the sudden reminder of this part of my life is making me feel like I was the same person almost five years ago which is giving me a lot of shame as I can’t change the past. What I have shared about my past may not seem much or too “traumatic” for some people but at that time, It was a big thing for me as It was my first time experiencing strong love for someone and I was a lot immature then. I was 18-20 that time and I am currently 23. I want to move past this and live normally again. I’m sorry for the long post, thank you so much for your feedback and have a nice day/night.

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