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Yelcin13
54 M Embraced
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts4 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2018 Member sinceDecember 28, 2014
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Not sure what to do
Depression Support / by Yelcin13
Last post
 December 28th, 2014
...See more I think I have depression but I can't bring myself to say it out loud to anyone. So not sure what to do about it. On New Year's Day my nan passed away, we're a small family and at 23yrs old (now 24) this was the first close death I'd experienced and considering we weren't close it hit me hard. The day after her funeral later that month my boyfriend of a year decided that would be the best time to dump me (a few months after learning he'd cheated on me). Naturally I cried for a few days then got angry that I was crying over him and focused all my emotions into working hard at the gym, I ended up going there practically every night. Fast forward from a few months after to today and my emotions seem to be going down hill. At work it started off people noticing I was tired or looked sad, now I'm getting snappy. I was very passionate about my sport and now I'm finding myself not wanting to return in the new year. I'm not suicidal but I'd be lying if I said the thought hadnt crossed my mind. I'm single but I also have zero sex drive. My mum was also diagnosed with MS this year and seeing the effects it's having on her and worrying if it's hereditary has been hard. My dad's health has taken a downward turn lately and both my final grandparents have been in hospital this year. My flat is a mess because I have no motivation or desire to keep tidy, and I've gained so much weight because I just don't care anymore. The tipping point for me coming here was the fact I was dreading Christmas, couldn't wait for it to be over and am just moping around the flat not enjoying a single moment of my time off. I should be happy at Christmas and grateful for all I have. My upset frame of mind is also making me focus on the fact men aren't the blind bit interested in me and that I hardly have any friends making me feel alone and worthless. I'm quite a strong, independent person at heart, I don't show "weakness", don't rely on anyone and brush most things off, but I now feel like my shell is cracking and I'm about to explode. I don't know what to do.  
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