YogurtD Member Profile

...See more I’m feeling incredibly overwhelmed right now — emotionally, mentally, and physically. I moved to a new city to live with my boyfriend, and while I love him more than anything, I feel like I’ve lost my sense of self. He’s on the autism spectrum (Asperger’s), and I know he’s really trying, but certain things are really hard for me to cope with. When it’s hot out or when his senses feel overstimulated, he says he can’t touch me, and even though I understand the reason, it still hurts emotionally. He often needs me to go into another room when he’s studying, which makes me feel like I’m being shut out of the space we share. I feel like his autism dictates most aspects of our relationship right now, and while I don’t blame him, I feel like my emotional needs are constantly put aside or labeled as “too much.” Today he called me clingy, and told me to apologize or leave the room because I was expressing how I felt. I know he wasn’t trying to be cruel, but it made me feel invisible and unloved. The hardest part is that I see his effort — he’s doing things in his own way to show he cares — but it’s not meeting me where I need to be emotionally. I’ve been spiraling a lot and I don’t know how to stop it. When things are good, I feel okay, but as soon as something triggers me, it’s like every hurt feeling and unmet need comes crashing down at once. I have no support system in this city, and I feel like I’ve become completely dependent on him for love and comfort, which is terrifying because I don’t feel emotionally safe all the time. I know he’s not intentionally hurting me, and I’m not trying to make him choose me over school — I just want to feel emotionally prioritized and understood with him, not instead of his goals. I’m trying to find a grounding routine and rebuild my confidence and sense of identity outside of this relationship, but I feel so disoriented, like I don’t even know where to start. I just want to feel like I matter again, to someone — even just one person — and to remember that I’m not crazy or dramatic for needing affection, safety, and connection. I’m looking for any support, empathy, or shared experience or advice as to what I should do, his perspective and what I should think about and improve going forward.

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