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YuSheng
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2023 Member sinceApril 8, 2018
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Retroactive Jealousy
Relationship Stress / by YuSheng
Last post
 March 21st, 2022
...See more Firstly I want to apologize for my bad English, I'm not a English speaker, and sorry for the long text to read, but I hope I can help some of the people having the same problem with me out there. I have been with my gf for 5 years now, and I have serious retroactive jealousy experience last time, and I'm glad do hold it up until today. It is tough to fight it alone, I'm here to share some of my thoughts, hope it helps some of the people out there. My gf have messy sexual life before even have something with her ex boss and she told me everything about it because she trusted me and want to be opened to me. It's hard to accept it at first and retroactive jealousy always kick in whenever I am alone and especially after I have a fight with her. At first I will told her what I actually think, it does make me relief after telling her but she will get hurt and things will get even worst. Since then I always kept silent and don't talk about what actually happened in my mind. This is where the real lonely fight comes in. I felt alone and I can't share to anyone else, because all of that is secrets, I'm the only know her sexual history. It's very very hard and it's not easy at all to swallow all the negative thoughts and force yourself to stop imagine all by yourself. You can try distract yourself by doing something else. I always go from a long drive with radio on, but make sure you are not in very bad mood for driving, it will be dangerous. After 2 years having this constant retroactive jealousy kick in I go online to find the reasons why I have this problem. I found out it is a very common mental sickness for male, because of our nature ego and alpha character to want to protect our partners especially in sexual sides of it. We have to accept that it's natural to have this reaction happening on us. After some researchs and trying things out on myself for a year like listing out the stuff she did for you apart from sex, what you like about her. After all i found out that the only way is to accept it, YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT IT! This is the one way, and it instantly cut off most of the retroactive jealousy happening on me. Accepting is never a easy things to do. You have to put yourself in her shoes to think about it, why she do that and you have to accept that she is naive and playful last time or whatever reason. She might never regret doing it last time because it's part of her life experience. Same goes to us guy, if we happen to have many sexual experience, we might enjoy it too to have the memory. You have to accept that this is life and this is what people will do. If you can't accept it, the only way is to breakup. It's good for both of you too. Somebody might never accept it so we can't force too. It better to breakup than drag until marriage. But after all, retroactive jealousy still happened on me and it won't go away completely. Just that the effect is not that drastic to me anymore, maybe I'm numb to the negative thoughts already, I won't get too upset anymore. It's just like what spiderman Tobey said... it's hard to accept it, it take years and still won't goes away completely...
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