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Zaizaii
172 M Embraced 1
PathStep 13 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceAugust 29, 2024
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I need help, Should i tell them why i'm this way?
Trauma Support / by Zaizaii
Last post
 September 2nd, 2024
...See more The thing is that when I was little around 11 or 12 I went to a house on the beach with my nuclear family and some relatives, obviously as we were many I shared a bed with my brother who is two years older than me. The thing is that while I was sleeping I woke up and realized that I was being touched, my breasts, my *** and I heard his breathing near me, I was awake but I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep, I was very scared and just wanted it to stop, I started swallowing saliva from nerves and tried not to let him notice. I thought it would stop but it started to go towards my *** and at that moment I got up very scared and locked myself in the bathroom and called my mom, I told her everything that had happened crying and this time I slept with her hugging me. I forgot to mention but he was aware of what he was doing was wrong, because he even made sure I was sleeping. He shone a flashlight on me while he opened my eyes and obviously, since I was awake, I pretended being asleep hoping that he would stop touching me. Once we got home I talked to my parents along with my brother, he "apologized" and I put it in quotes because the truth is he was just crying and justifying his actions, my dad took his side and said he was just discovering, discovering what? at the cost of my suffering? At the cost of my physical and psychological integrity? I told them that I didn't forgive him, they then told me "What are you going to do to report him? And then have everyone point you out as the one who was touched by his brother?" I felt so bad as if they justified their actions and took their side... Since that happened, I went a whole year without speaking to my brother, then I never approached him to play again, I tried to improve and not seem so distant with both my father and my brother, but I don't feel affection towards them and I don't feel like hugging them. It terrifies me to think that it wasn't the first time he did it, because sometimes when I was little he would come into my bed while I was sleeping, I don't know if he has changed, most likely he has but I don't want to be close to him anymore, much less live with him in the same room. I don't know if they're pretending to be crazy like if nothing ever happened or maybe they think I'm over it, but how do I tell them? How do I do it without ruining everything? I don't know if they take my side because I feel like they never have and every time I say something to them they just tell me dramatic. Am I wrong for not wanting to be close to my brother and my father? The only person I have more esteem and trust in is my mother, but even she told me "what was I going to do, report it and be labeled as the victim?" I know it's nothing compared to other people who have suffered rape or abuse, mine doesn't amount to that thank heaven, but isn't that abuse? Being touched in a sexual way without my consent, is not it? Now i'm 18, but still i can forget it... I don't know if I'm just dramatic or if I'm in the right to feel this way. I don't know if I should tell my parents again, that I don't want to be closer to him.
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