aiko1710 Member Profile

...See more Hi I'm 14 years old and things haven't been the best lately. I feel so angry and helpless at so many things. I was supposed to go to psychologist 3 times already but nothing happened. We don't have a school psychologist, our school is private. I have been at hospital and a psychiatrist told me that I should see a psychologist and gave my parents contacts. He gave me medications that I should eat, but after a week my parents just hid them somewhere and told me that I won't eat them anymore because I seem "okay" to them. I should have had revisited the psychiatrist to check if I don't need my meds anymore but nothing happened. After a month or so a social worker visited us because things were getting tense at my home, and she told me that I WILL go to a psychologist alongside my brother because of how our parents treat us. At that time only my father was at home and she only talked to him, but said she will also down with out stepmother when she will be home. We told her how she beats us and screams at us but she told us that that is our problem. Of course nothing happened and after 2 months I haven't heard from them anything. I also have social anxiety and am scared of everything I say because of the fear that other people will be mad at me. I also have ( undiagnosed ) OCD and ADHD. I know I shouldn't label myself with diseases but it's something I'm sure in. I have severe trouble reading everything because I need to constantly re-read and can't focus on anything. I also have other OCD compulsions and some of them are getting out of hand. I just wish I could get some help through either some pills or consultations because I love reading but it's really hard to focus on it. I hope that corporal punishment will soon be banned in my country and I'm envious of people that were born somewhere more safe.. Also that no one cares about me and everything about me decide only my father and stepmother. One time they called police on me for grabbing their keys to my room so I could lock myself because they were constantly screaming at me for random things... I can't grab keys but they can beat me and my whole family? Feels really painful even writing about this now. Sometimes I feel like I get treated so bad by everyone because I am a boy. I feel like if I would be a girl people would treat me more gently and with more respect. Because right now it feels like everything done to me is "okay" because I am supposed to be a "man". I hate that feeling when people just suppose I can handle anything because I'm a boy... Sometimes I really do wish that I would be a girl so people wouldn't act so harshly with me. There are a lot of circumstances that I feel uncomfortable in because I'm a boy but I don't want to talk about it that much. Also I often think about su!cide. I know that I shouldn't k!ll myself but sometimes it really feels like there's no reason to live. Why should I continue this endless suffering? Isn't it easier to just die? I think I am going insane because sometimes I pretend my bunny plushie to be my boyfriend and talk to him and hug him because my parents don't do that too much. I only have one true friend and they are living in another town so we don't meet too often and I don't want to bother them with my struggles. Sorry that this has been so long but it feels great to just put everything off of my chest and thank you if you made it this far♥️ I don't know honestly what am I expecting from answers but thank you if you answer me.

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