amberandersonohio Member Profile

...See more Bipolar is hell to live with, knowing people around you don't express their problems in the way you do. I freak out any time of the day for no reason, the ocd kicks in because I'm bored and lack control of my life because I'm afraid to take control of my life because I'm reckless with it, so I let others control me, and it hurts to know I can't share my ocd and thoughts my crazy ideas I think are cool with anyone because they don't understand. Bipolar takes away from life, it is seriously hard to live with it, it lives to destroy you, it's a constant battle of moods and being irritable for no reason, even if you want to feel happy, you feel terrible, and there's nothing you can do about it. Bipolar is a feeling you don't want to feel but are forced to feel. It is like a force that hates you, and it's impossible to fight it some days, it wants to take you under and take your life, you are fighting yourself, one moment you're telling your husband you love them, the next your upstairs wanting to aim a gun at your head, and it's hard to control, it's not like you can stop it, it takes over. And no one knows that monster you fight, because you put the gun down and go back downstairs and pretend you're OK, like there isn't something larger than you trying to destroy you. Then you look in the mirror and realize you're alone, and it's you trying to destroy you. That is Bipolar.

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