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amusingSail2173
550 M Embraced 4
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceSeptember 17, 2015
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Depression and balance
Depression Support / by amusingSail2173
Last post
 October 14th, 2022
...See more Living with depression makes it hard for me to feel like I can do anything right. There are tangible things I can point to, like getting my PhD, having a job I love and being married to my partner for over ten years, etc.; that if I saw someone else with those things I'd consider them having their life together. But lately I have had way more stress, grief and depression than I can take. My grandmother passed away, I've been constantly traveling (my job requires some difficult travel to remote places) and trying to juggle my marriage with the endless responsibilities I have. Yesterday my husband and I got into a fight. I sincerely apologized for my end of it and he told me it sounded mechanical and weird. I was dealing with a work crisis at home and he kept trying to tell me how to fix it while I was on the phone trying to fix it myself. He has found reason after reason to pick at me today. I feel like I have been uncharacteristically calm and he has been uncharacteristically combative but I can't articulate that in a way he will listen to. I ordered his favorite dinner tonight, played his favorite game with him and then he said we should watch a show. He then told me I should watch it alone and when I asked why he said he didn't feel like it. Ten minutes later, while I'm cleaning up dog poop, he comes in the room to tell me I should have convinced him to watch it with me. It is midnight, I've had a shit day after a very long stretch of shit days and I'm in my thirties. I'm not trying to play games! Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I'm not but there's nothing I can say to him and feel heard. I feel like this is just one more thing I'm just not understanding about people and also that my depression and anxiety is used to make it out like I am always unreasonable. My heart and head hurt. He's usually my rock and now I feel like I'm falling off a cliff, praying for the end.
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