amusingcurrent1994 Member Profile

...See more I've been depressed since I was 10. I barely had friends, started gaining weight, skipped school a lot and I wanted to run away from home often. When I was 13 I had my first suicidal thought. I was scared and never told anyone but one day I decided to tell my mom. She's religious so she didn't really get it but she told me to stop saying those kinds of things. I felt wrong for even bringing it up so I just kept it bottled up until I was 16. I started going to church and I talked about it and things got a little better but once I started college I realized that the depression was still there. I realized it was something I couldn't continue to ignore. It was starting to interfere with my life to the point I dropped out of college. I had debt already and was at an all time low. I would spend all day doing nothing just sleeping to not feel anything. Now I'm 24. I somehow managed to get my associates degree and I have a job. I'm trying to pay off my student debt so I can get my bachelors but it's tough. Everytime I want to move forward I can't. A minor inconvenience happens and it just breaks me down. I cry everyday and I feel horrible all the time. I'm reaching my thirties and I still haven't done anything I wanted to. I feel like I'm wasting away like I have no purpose. I'm so exhausted and I know I need help but it's scary to actually seek it. I feel guilty because other people in the world have it worse than I do. I know there's no reason for me to feel like this..

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