angelicaquarius Member Profile

...See more so i am 20 years old and have been best friends with this girl since i was 4, we have been through a lot together. she grew up in an abusive household so more times than not me and my family would let her stay with us for weeks, sometimes months at a time, she’d wear my spare school uniforms because hers were always too small and while she was getting bullied i would stand up for her and was one of the only people to remain her friend. when i was 14 i got severely bullied in school and actually had to leave due to the school telling me it was no longer safe for me there, she did not stand by me. she stopped being friends with me and said some hurtful things. i have no education from then on, i never returned to a school because my anxiety and depression was awful and home schooling was too much stress for me to deal with. when i turned 16 we became friends again and i forgave her for turning her back on me. things were fine and going amazingly, she’d disappear for a few days every now and then when her family would want to be involved with her and then come back when they didn’t. then she got pregnant. i was extremely excited, 18 with a best friend who’s pregnant? i thought it would be so fun! buying clothes together for him/her, throwing her a baby shower etc, but instead, her family became involved again and she stopped talking to me. i messaged her and wished her all the best with her baby and said that hopefully when the time was right we could be friends again. i was devastated that i wouldn’t be able to watch her go through pregnancy and see her be so happy finally. we didn’t speak for another year, i found myself a boyfriend and carried on with my life. eventually at the end of February 2020 we became friends again after she and my mom had spoken to each other without me knowing and my mom convinced me to go to her house and talk to her. i did and it was just like old times, except now she has a baby! i was so excited to be able to spend time with her and her child and spoil him the same way i do my own nieces! then covid-19 hit. we spent every day on facetime, messaging each other, phone calls etc. we really helped keep each other sane. things have been going well over the past year despite constant UK lockdowns and not being able to see each other as often as we’d like, but now i can see her pattern repeating itself. she has finally found a boyfriend after being hurt many times by men/boys who didn’t want to have a serious relationship, i gave her advice that i have learnt from the two years of being with my boyfriend, gave her strips of my own contraception so she wouldn’t get pregnant again and helped reassure her that this was her person! and that she will be happy! and i was right! he asked her to be his girlfriend on valentine’s day after a month of dating and she couldn’t be happier. she’s also now back in touch with both of her parents and has a much better relationship with them now she has her own house. i couldn’t be happier for her, she’s finally getting the peace and happiness she deserves, but i’ve noticed how she has stopped talking to me. she no longer puts in effort to message me or ask if i’m free to facetime. i stopped messaging her every day for a couple of days to give myself some space and to see if she would message me first instead of me doing it all the time and i got nothing for two days, she eventually messaged and asked how as i was and when i told her i wasn’t doing too great (it was my 2 year anniversary of being clean from self harm! yay me!) she asked if i’d like to facetime the next day. i said of course and that i couldn’t wait. the next day came and i asked if she was still okay to facetime, her answer was no because her boyfriend was there all day, that was two days ago and i haven’t heard anything since. she knows i’m online because she views my stories and posts her own, so why doesn’t she bother? i partially regret becoming friends with her again because i feel disposable and worthless again, so i carry on saying nothing and wait for her to eventually bother with me and carry on with my life in the meantime or do i message her? i’m tired of being treated like a therapist that is only there when things are bad and then gets brushed aside when things are good. i know i’m a good friend and i know i deserve a good friendship and to me right now this isnt one but i also don’t want to lose a friend a hold so close? what do i do? thank you for reading this all and if you have any advice/suggestions i’d be happy to listen x

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