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anro1520
218 M Embraced 2
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2022 Member sinceAugust 30, 2021
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Need a listening ear (trigger warning)
Trauma Support / by anro1520
Last post
 August 30th, 2021
...See more I just need to get this off my chest because it continues to bother me. In a few days it will be the anniversary of the most traumatic day of my life. In college I worked the night shift at a fast food joint and some friends wanted to play basketball in the park when I was off. I was 19 at the time. I made it to the park in my uniform and watched as some friends played in the dark. I saw a group of people move towards the center of the park and disappear into the darkness. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed 2 flash of lights and what sounded like a firecracker that went off. Everyone ran instinctively. As I jumped a small fence I looked back to see guy running, yelling "I'm hit, I'm hit" and eventually collapsing. My friends kept running and I turned around and went to him. He was shivering and so pale. His friends were gone except for one kid. I noticed a wound on his back and held it in place. One of my friends noticed I was gone and came to us. I asked the guy his name and he couldn't speak. I held him and told him he would be ok we are here and help is on the way. I think he was in shock and it was cold that night so we covered him with a sweater. He couldn't speak and clenched on to his backpack as hard as he could. I started at him and he stared at me. I've never seen true fear until that day. All I could do was hold him and calm him down as we waited for help. After what felt like forever, the help finally arrived. I looked down at him and felt his pulse stop. He stared blankly at me. Next thing I know they take him and immediately start performing CPR. He is carried away and I'm being questioned. I felt like I couldn't breathe but I had no emotions. I looked down at my hands to see them covered in blood. I asked the detective if he was going to make it. He looked at me, sighed, and let me know be was gone. I lost it. Later on I found out he was the same age as me. Unfortunately, I had to work the next day in the same uniform and go to class as if nothing ever happened. Now I live with this guilt. I don't know if I feel guilty because I got to live and he didn't. I don't know if I feel guilty because maybe I didn't do everything I could have. No one deserves to go alone like that. I hope that I did enough for him. I hope that he didn't feel alone. Now Idk how to deal with my emotions. I try not to have any and eventually explode. I've felt numb ever since.
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Miss the old me
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by anro1520
Last post
 August 30th, 2021
...See more I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 3 years ago and I'm still learning to cope with it. It has been tough managing medications and I actually feel that these medications have robbed me of my creative and happy self. They make me feel so numb. Any one else feel this way?
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Cravings
Addiction Support / by anro1520
Last post
 August 30th, 2021
...See more Three years ago I was diagnosed with Stevens Johnson syndrome. My skin peeled off, my eyes were damaged, and I was in a hospital for 3 weeks (including a burn unit for 1 week). Long story short, to deal with the pain I was on constant heavy narcotics from oxy, morphine, hydromorphone, and even fentanyl. This went on for about 2 months until I ran out of the meds. I grew very dependent on them and would rage if I didn't have them. The withdrawal was terrible and I find myself wanting them every single day. Now I feel that I chase that high through excessive spending on stupid things. I'm feeding the addiction with other things and I was wondering if anyone had any advice :/
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