anxiouschocolate2711 Member Profile

...See more Next week I'm supposed to travel to a new country to study there. I'm also terrified and I have absolutely no idea what to do. (Sorry. It's a long read) I haven't been diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I have social anxiety. I used to think the reason why I've always struggled in social situations was that I just haven't learned the necessary skills and I needed to try harder. It still didn't work. And it wasn't just about having fun and making friends and whatever, I've missed out on so many opportunities to improve myself or learn some skills just because it involved people. I've seen two therapists, but I wasn't lucky with neither of them. (They were both convinced that I'm not suffering from anything and that I only needed some guidance. The first one actually told me that I read too much about mental health issues and therefore I was trying to convince them that I'm suffering from something. It was online therapy [not even online, it was on the phone] so maybe it was more difficult) The thing is, if I decide to stay and try therapy again, not only will I miss out on another great opportunity, but I'll also complicate things even more. I've graduated from high school two years ago, so I'm already in a lot of pressure from my family since I haven't done anything (I started college but then dropped out). There are also the social pressures, and obviously watching your friends and relatives (even the ones who are younger than you) move on with their lives and already start achieving things and meeting new people. My family and relatives already put many plans based on the fact that I'm going to that country. For example they are looking at it as a possible destination to maybe settle in there in the future, or send their kids to go study there. And they want me to go and like explore it or whatever. So now I feel like I'm just going to let everyone down. There's also a chance that I might not be able to find a job if I stay, which is the only thing that would allow me to go to therapy, because it could be extremely difficult sometimes to find one where I live. But the worst thing is that I don't know how to tell my family the truth. Where I'm from there's no such thing as mental health. You're either sane or you completely lost your mind and need to be institutionalized. So I'm gonna have to lie to them and tell them that I haven't learned the language or whatever. It's not like my family are forcing me to go there, I applied for a university there on my own. But that's because I thought by the time I actually had to go there, I would've already learned how to deal with my anxiety (And actually figured out what I want to study). But on the other side, what if I do go, and I fail to do it on my own again? Basically wasting more money and more time? I've already went there 5 months ago to finish registration and it was the worst experience in my life. I spent a month there and everyday I thought I could I do it, but I couldn't. I spent the whole time crying in my hotel room, binge eating, watching porn or whatever, and only going out when I absolutely had to. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that I'm only there for some procedures and then I'm going back. I can't go to therapy there because I don't know the language, nor how much it might cost. Basically I'm too afraid to be alone, but I'm also too afraid that'll disappoint myself and everyone again, for nothing. So, what should I do? Should I just go, not causing any drama, and hope that with time I'll grow out of it? Or at least learn how to deal with it on my own? Or should I stay, find a job (which again, could be difficult sometimes) and then attend therapy and finally get to the bottom of this, but miss out on another great opportunity while also lying to my parents and disappointing everyone along the way? Thanks. [I apologize again for making it this long. I don't know who to talk to. Everyone will think that I'm just overreacting. Thank you so much for taking the time to read it and I'd be grateful for any advice. And it's okay if you skipped it, I understand. I would've done that as well tbh]

Bio

Recent forum posts

Talk to an expert therapist

🌈 Lisa Meighan is a psychotherapist registered with the British...

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Bio