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aquaFox8
3,202 M Seeking Light
PathStep 30 Compassion hearts118 Forum posts30 Forum upvotes45 Current upvotes45 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2021 Member sinceApril 12, 2021
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"Leave it better than you found it." 🌷🌃🌳🎨🎮

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How to Begin Again..
Relationship Stress / by aquaFox8
Last post
 May 1st, 2021
...See more There's a person in my life with depression... And even though I did everything I could to help him, in the end, I think he saw how his unhealthiness was affecting me, and in order to protect me from this, and from himself, he asked to cut ties. To create distance. Not out of hatred, but out of care. He wanted me to be happy with someone who could give me what I deserved. Because he couldn't... And I'll admit, I didn't care. I would've sacrificed a lot for him. But he didn't want to do that to me. He didn't want to take without giving. And he was just too low to give. The timing between us wasn't right. He's at a point in his life where he needs to go on a journey. Alone. To find himself, to re-create himself, to seek therapy, grow, and to heal from a lot of wounds. I've already been through something like this before, before meeting him, so I've already had my turn. Now it is his. And as much as I wish I could be a friend and a supporter to him through this process, it is not what he wants. I am beginning to realize that to him, I am like a walking, living reminder of the things he did wrong. Of how he screwed up. Of the hurt that he caused. I wish I wasn't, but I am. I'm like a little thorn. And I don't think he can grow with this reminder hovering above him all the time.. I must cause him so much guilt, and it must feel awful to have someone you care about, but have also hurt, try to help you 24/7, fully knowing that you cannot do the same for them... So I'd like to respect his wishes and show him mercy by stepping away so that he may heal. On his own. But it is killing me inside. I am hurting.. I care about this person, and I selfishly want them in my life. He became someone very dear and very important to me... and I feel like I'm losing a piece of me. I'm losing a comrade, a best friend.. the person I was closest to in this entire world. And I'm not good at goodbyes. I never have been, and I never will be. But I can't control this. I know that... And part of me wishes he had just been an awful person or something so that it would be easy for me to let him go. But he wasn't. There are no bad guys... just two people who tried their best. And things just didn't fall into place. And I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how to make peace with that. I will miss him dearly...
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