ara2000 Member Profile

...See more My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years and we didn’t have a great beginning as he had recently broke up a serious relationship because he no longer felt connected to his ex but I now feel I am beginning to experience the same thing but towards him. We dated a month before making things official and they were rocky but right before things were official they were going so great we shared and talked so much and we’re able to be very honest and vulnerable but then, 4 days into our relationship he got blackout drunk and kissed some other girl at a party. The next morning he did not even remember it happening until his friends told him and he felt so bad that he told me (albeit at a bad time as my friends were visiting me) I was shocked but didn’t show him that I was extremely sad and disappointed as I did not feel safe showing him those emotions at first. Later that day we resolved he’d never party with other guys if beer and other women would be at the party. That sounded fine to me and considering the rocky start to our relationship and how soon it was from him breaking up I figured in that drunken and saddened state of his he might not have fully recognized and processed the fact that he was now in a relationship. Anyways this is just context for what issue is at hand now…I feel so far from him emotionally. A few months ago we were only able to see each other every week or two weeks which was hard but we were getting through it until one day he told me he was watching porn for a while and that it was making him feel bad in his sleep. I was shocked and it reminded me of the way I felt when he told me he cheated on me. I felt almost as if I had been cheated on again as there’s evidence of porn being negative for your relationship and personally I just see it as wrong. That same day my room flooded and I needed a breather so I drank and was able to tell him my true feelings that I felt betrayed and more undesirable to him. He said he was sorry and that he would stopped. Then about 2 months later on his phone search history I found porn again. I asked him about it and he said it wasn’t porn he was just looking for a sex toy for himself. I saw through his bs and told him that I was extreme let down and that although i shouldn’t have had to state it explicitly at this point i would just so he could not ever have this excuse again in the future. I told him that him not watching porn was not just some big preference of mine but a boundary and if he crossed it again we would no longer have a relationship with me. I also told him that I thought his constant masturbation was becoming an issue because he was becoming numb to that and then resulting to porn to try to make up for that. I tried to take into an account that we were far apart for quite a while and both at really really low points in our life. He said he would never watch porn again and cried saying he felt really regretful and that he agreed he would work on masturbation problem but that it would take a while. I discussed some alternatives he could incorporate to help him not do it all the time. I also told him to keep me updated with how it was going because it felt like the third time trust with him had been broken although he hadn’t technically cheated on me three times just that once but by my standards it felt like three times. He is slowly working on it and sometimes is doing the alternatives I told him he should but I just feel less connected to him now all around. When we are together I feel like he leans on me for all the emotional support when I sometimes need it too. I don’t feel as comfortable being myself around him. He’s great when I see him in person but other times when we are apart I begin to have doubts and start to crave the feeling of being fallen in love with. The feeling when you start off blindly trusting someone and they are so excited to hear your stories. I don’t know how to talk to him about this tho. I need help … do you think this relationship is able to be worked on? I know I just listed a bunch of negatives but honestly we have had some really sweet memories together and with each other’s family I just don’t know what to do

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