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athousandxmilesaway
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2018 Member sinceSeptember 23, 2018
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8 years later, still have a massive crush on this guy I've liked since I was 13
Relationship Stress / by athousandxmilesaway
Last post
 September 25th, 2018
...See more Bottom line: I'm typically a realist, and yet I have a very strong feeling that we're supposed to be together after all this time? Complicated, extensive history summed up below: Met this guy (let's call him "N") a few weeks before we started high school in 2010 -- even at 13, I knew I was in for trouble Being that I was pretty shy in high school, we didn't really speak, though we had many mutual friends (so we did cross paths in that regard) Kept my crush a secret for years and years; eventually I had accepted that it was probably always going to be unrequited (and pure infatuation) Senior year, this other guy (let's call him "C") took interest in me. I gave C a chance, and him and I started dating The thing was -- N and C were best friends at the time. All of a sudden, once C and I started dating, N and C abruptly stopped being best friends. It was petty high school drama and became a lot messier than necessary. N was a pretty big jerk at the time; he made a big deal out of not approving of this relationship (saying that C wasn't make time for his friends anymore), convinced a bunch of their friends to side with him, etc etc I broke up with C early into our first year of university; the relationship was quite toxic and I knew I was saving us both N was someone I never thought I'd see again after high school -- but as a twist of fate, through our mutual friends, we ended up becoming part of the same core friend group of 10 people who see eachother fairly often. Summer cottage trips, games nights, group dinners out, etc etc. Things were a little awkward/tense between N and I for awhile because of the drama that had gone on back in high school, but over time, we moved past it. We didnt become the best of friends but we were on good terms During a cottage trip in 2016 (the summer after our second year of university), my friends and I (naturally) all got fairly drunk. At one point, all our friends were hanging out in the cottage basement and N and I both had to use the bathroom upstairs. So we were upstairs, just lightly chatting, and then all of a sudden at one point were laughing at the mere fact were both so drunk. Theres this moment when we both just stop and look at each other, and he kisses me out of the blue. Then were laughing again, at the fact our friends would be extremely confused by this (out of the 10 friends, we probably interact with eachother some of the least), so we make a pact to keep the kiss between us. Naturally, were drunk, and the one kiss progresses into a lot more in pretty heated fashion. There's this "about time" kind of feeling to it. Were able to stop ourselves before we go all the way. But… I guess I wasnt completely over N being a jerk in high school during my relationship with C (as we had never talked about it and received closure), so after we had finished hooking up, I may have confronted him about it out of the blue. Had to get it off my chest after 3 years of keeping it in. Could tell that N genuinely felt bad about it. Anyway, two of our friends barged into the bathroom and caught N and I together, so the whole keeping it between us pact fell through Again, awkwardness between N and I for awhile but time heals all. Our friend group now sees each other more often than ever (even now that were all adults). N and I are once again on good terms, not the best of friends, but good. Flirt occasionally but we havent hooked up since that one unnecessarily dramatic summer night in 2016 But were both not kids anymore and yet I still feel the same butterflies I did at 13. I see the way he stares at me and he has to notice the way I look at him too. Were both starting our real lives now, in a place where weve found ourselves, into similar interests, and share the same core values of family, etc. Theres a lot of history thats hard to see past but I cant seem to shake off this feeling that hes my person?? Wow that was a lot longer than expected. Anyway, extremely conflicted with how I should approach this; do I just continue waiting around for something to miraculously happen? Do I man up and tell him I feel this way? If so, how do I go about this? sos
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