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aymeric
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2022 Member sinceMay 16, 2020
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Disabling anxiety
Anxiety Support / by aymeric
Last post
 February 8th, 2022
...See more I feel like my anxiety has never been so disabling. I've had it for years, and I felt like it was improving until a few days ago, when I had my first full panic attack. I felt terrible, the wait at the ER felt like hours, and I ultimately managed to calm down, but I've been feeling on the edge ever since. Days feel longer, they all feel the same, I haven't been talking to people as much, haven't been going out, I haven't been getting good sleep. I hate getting up in the morning because I don't know how much sleep I'll get the next night, I'm scared of going to bed because I get headaches, and I'm scared of bad things happening in my sleep. I have these kind of headaches that I can't find an explanation for anywhere, whether it be internet or actual doctors, nothing quite matches my symptoms. I went to so many doctors and I just feel like I'm wasting time and money from my parents, they've been unhappy about me going so much to the point where I'm scared of asking now, so whenever something bothers me I just look it up and end up worrying even more. I have illness anxiety so I worry at any little change in my body, I need near constant reassurance that I'm doing fine, I always feel like the doctors are missing something. I keep checking myself for symptoms, at the same time I feel like my anxiety makes my symptoms worse and even sometimes makes me feel like they're there when they're not. I went to psychiatric emergencies recently, I was prescribed some medication that's supposed to help me for anxiety. I'll start the treatment with that tomorrow, but I've been told it makes you feel sleepy, I've already been so tired and I'm scared I'll just feel like a zombie at that point. I've been seeing a psychiatrist, but I haven't seen her in many weeks. I'm seeing her on thursday, although I'm starting to lose hope that it'll make any chnage now. The only time in my life where my anxiety could compare to what it is now was four years ago, and it makes me so depressed to think about that, I feel like even if it does pass again it's just going to come back in a few years. Also, four years ago, there was an identifiable cause to the anxiety, I was moving away, entered a new school, I ended up moving back to my home region and my first school, and it got better. But now there's nothing I can do, it's all of my life that's causing that, I can't change anything about it. I've been having to do breathing exercises several times a day, I feel like I'm near constantly holding in a new panic attack, I came close a few times, and it made me cry so much, I feel like I'm always thinking about that, whenever I do something I feel like I'm not doing it because I want to anymore, but because I need to distract myself. I've been feeling too unwell to do the things I love, I miss them so much. I love dancing, but I'm scared I'll never get to do it again because of my physical state as well as my anxiety and fatigue. I'm sorry if this feels a lot like venting, I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to have to wait for it to get better
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