bbykay02 Member Profile

...See more Im in a place where I don’t think there’s any moving forward or any forgiveness or anything else I can give anymore. i’ve been in a relationship on and off mostly on for the past 2+ years and I just keep getting hurt. And I don’t think I can get hurt anymore I think that it is taking a toll on me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I am still in love but it’s not the same anymore. two weeks ago my boyfriend and I broke up he was buying only fans and lied to me about it and used my money. And he also used his money which I obviously did not know about at the time just noticed that I had money missing and eventually found out what it was used for. He lied to me and told me that he needed money for tools for work when he bought a gift card online instead just so the transaction wouldn’t be shown. Just a few days ago I ended up getting a hold of only fans and emailed them about the transaction and they helped me switch the email so I could access the account. he lied to me and told me that he forgot the email and password for the account so I kind of went around to that because it was killing me that I didn’t know. I had a feeling that it was more than just some famous person or random girl I had a feeling it was somebody I knew and I told him that I needed that closure to see that it wasn’t somebody I knew and that’s when the lies started getting worse. when I got into the account my heart immediately dropped because I didn’t want to know anymore but I knew that I was always question what it actually happened if I didn’t so there I saw the girl that he would always try to get with and would call her pretty and try to date her whenever we would break up or before we got together. I saw the girl that is my friend but they used to mess with each other along time ago. And then on top of it all there she was my best friend the girl we lived with and there were the messages of him calling her sexy and asking to see videos and pictures of her and what not and she didn’t know that it was him because he used a fake name. But now it just hurts even more. I can’t talk to her about this because I am embarrassed I am insecure I am heartbroken and all I can think about is when they were over and when we were living with her is that what he was thinking all of those times that he thought of them in a sexual way. And now he tells me that it can all be fixed and that the only reason why we’re not together is because of me but I don’t think that I can be together with somebody that I don’t trust anymore I wouldn’t be able to have my friends over anymore I can’t even look at my friends the same I just feel like I’ve been so hurt and betrayed and he keeps apologizing saying he understands how I’m hurt and that he wasn’t thinking in the moment but honestly I don’t know what I’m supposed to believe anymore. I went to work today because I like the people I work with and you know you kind of need money to live life pay bills and have a roof over your head but I ended up leaving early because I couldn’t function I couldn’t think I just have this burning painful pressure in my chest and stomach I don’t even feel like I can eat anymore I don’t want to anything oh I’ve been doing is sleeping. or still currently living with each other but he’s been staying in another room and I just don’t know what to do because somehow someway I just know that I’m gonna get hurt again and I don’t have much forgiveness left in me. Any advice for my situation?

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