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bewarethefreakchic
12,351 M Pacing Forward 7
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts406 Forum posts27 Forum upvotes78 Current upvotes78 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2016 Member sinceApril 2, 2014
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I feel played.
Relationship Stress / by bewarethefreakchic
Last post
 July 19th, 2016
...See more I was with someone when I met this guy, Mr. J. Now Mr. J and I hit it off immediately. I knew from the second I met him, I wanted to be with him. He told me day in day out he wanted me. So finally, we did it. I left that guy for Mr. J. We had a great month, but things got stressful and we took a break. Mr. J came to me begging to get back together. I fell for it. We had another amazing month, when he straight told me he didn't want a relationship and he dumped me. Well I'm still in love with him. I still want him. I still miss him. And he doesn't want to talk to me. He says we'll be friends, but I don't wanna be friends. I wanna be his girl. He begged me to be his girl, and then left me high and dry. Like he said whatever to get me, and then dropped me. What scares me is if he comes begging again, I'll just take him back. Because I let him play me before, and I love him so much, I'll let him play me again.
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I Don't Know What's Going On: A Rant
Journals & Diaries / by bewarethefreakchic
Last post
 May 2nd, 2014
...See more This will be a long, long post. I always have vibrant dreams at night. I usually remember them when I wake up. Now, sometimes I have goofy dreams, like being surrounded by pizza. But lately, I've had some awful dreams. Last night, I dreamt that I was really skinny, like looking anorexic. And I was thinking, "Wow, I gotta gain weight." But this random guy said, "No. You look fine like that." I've always struggled with wanting to eat and remembering to eat, so that was really difficult. Then, in a different part of the dream, I was out at dinner with my best friend, my ex boyfriend, and my dad. In the middle of dinner, my best friend suddenly started shaking, became unconscious, and was about to die. No ambulance would get her. So we took her to my house and laid her in my bed. Over the past week, my best friend and I had talks in real life about how her heart might fail because of the life she lives. I'm legitimately scared this is going to happen. Then, my ex boyfriend, in my dream, tried to sleep with me, and I was so into it. And he was being really sweet and it was like we were never broken up. But then my dad yelled at us, and I ended the dream screaming. This breakup with my ex has been super hard. And I know that when I'm awake, I don't want him. I'm okay with never speaking to him and never being his friend. But it's dreams like this, where he's like my boyfriend again, that make me sad. It's so crippling having dreams like this every night. I've woken up crying because of dreams like this. I don't know what's going on, and I really want these dreams to stop. I don't know if these dreams mean anything for the future, but honestly hope to God that this was just a bad dream. I honestly wouldn't wish bad dreams on anyone. They're the most crippling, depressing things in your life, and you can't really control them.
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