blueCranberry9642 Member Profile

...See more Hello, I don't know how I ended up here but I'm here so I met this man a few years ago, funny, handsome, great personality. We clicked instantly. Time goes by we meet for the first time and it was one of the best experiences I've ever experienced. More time goes by and he gets distant and quiet. Flash forward I catch feelings and I expressed those feelings and I get blocked eventually. I couldn't understand what I did wrong so I try and communicate even more...2 years go by and he unblocks me..8 months goes by and we see each other for the first again in 2 years...after he goes silent for over a month and mind you 1 was vulnerable before and got shut down so I kept quiet until yesterday I told the whole truth about how I feel and....now I'm even more "crazier" and making up “stories” and I get blocked again. Sir I have held the emotional weight for the both of us for almost 3 years!!! I don't even want commitment or a relationship anymore I just want honesty!! I wanna know | was never alone in this connection that there was another person on the other side... nope i got told that I'm doing too much and the whole "we're not even connected" "...so now I'm looking at myself like "self..? What's happening?" "Are you okay" "Did I imagine this" "Am I obsessed?" I'm thinking of every reason of why this happened or what is even happening..Did I do this to myself? He's never given me any reason to bring my feelings into this right? Did I fantasize it all? There's no way right? Something had to be real... something...then | realized I was dancing with the devil this whole time..he has the avoidant disease. I fell into the trap and now even though I could simply walk away... and I'm trying...it seems a lot harder mentally. I've never experienced a "situationship" or whatever this is before. I showed up with love and now I'm walking away bruised and afraid to be myself again. My brain wont leave this alone and I'm exhausted.! I'm tired. My heart is tired. I can’t seem to understand why or what happened. If you’re reading this thank you for listening 🥺🫶🏼

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