blueStrings7093 Member Profile

...See more Recently had a breakup where it was my choice to end it. I was with someone else days after I ended it. This other person isn't WHY I chose to end it, but the attention I was receiving validated me enough to stick to my decision to end it with my boyfriend. Here's some background to my relationship: We met 5 years ago and it was a pure, higher love. But he didn't want to meet my parents. He never did. His reasons were that he felt like a loser and wanted to get on the right track first. He had some health problems early on in the relationship and I moved in with him and supported us financially completely for almost the whole five years. He also told me early on that he had herpes and I chose to be with him because as long as I had him, a sexually contracted, minor skin disease was nothing to me. But resentment over not meeting my family festered inside me (and yes, I told him how I felt) until one day I snapped. This situation with him not meeting my family also caused doubts and mistrust with my parents, who are wonderful people. It hurt me to my core but I stayed because I had hope and also felt loyal to the cause of not leaving someone with health problems suddenly. In March I was tested for all STDs in the event I left him. Negative all across the board. I was already getting this attention at work from someone not attractive at all but very outgoing and funny to be around. The day I snapped I walked away from him angry and texted him hours later ending the relationship. There was a few thousand in stocks I had invested for us and told him to take it out and use it until he found a job. He was devastated and broken. I was too stubborn and my resentment overflowed and caused me to act out sexually with someone else. This fling didn't last long but I contracted herpes from him. 20 days after being with him I had my first outbreak. I told the guy I broke up with everything. He loves me deeply and wants to try to pick up the pieces but I left him devastated and now have a reminder of it forever. It is something he already had, but it wasn't him who gave it to me and so it will always be a painful truth in our relationship. I feel like I want to die, like I'm sick with grief and guilt for how I made him feel and how our future will be altered now because I made a choice out of anger and resentment. I don't know what to do. It was like I had been in a fog and now I'm not and now I have a permanent punishment. Please help me sort this out.

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