blueVase4357 Member Profile

...See more latest Ive been feeling depressed, well i didnt know that it was depression until i googled it, all i know is that Im forever negative, angry,sad,discouraged and tired… i never feel like doing anything i love, even the things that really matter dont matter anymore. this feeling has been going on for a while but i didnt know it was depression,I thought Im just over thinking and just finding something to blame for my mess ups, instead of taking responsibility. when i am around people, everything feels normal again, but at night when Im alone, something just consumes me and i start feeling lonely, i hardly respond to peoples text messages because i never want to chat, i could chat to those people when Im lonely but i start feeling guilty because i didnt respond to their messages. I feel that i am an introvert but my mind and heart constantly want to socialise and talk to people, but i never have anything to say, and when i do force myself to socialise, i run out of words to say and it becomes awkward so i stop socialising, unless Im tipsy, then i have a lot to say, i never run out of things to say, my self confidence just grows and i can talk to anything and anyone to a point where people can feel my energy from a simple handshake. but my mind tells me that i always wanna be alone watching a movie and when i get home to watch that movie, i feel lonely and my mind starts consuming me. I used to hide this by working alot but nowadays, but now I cant even work,im going to get fired at work because of my depression. Please help I don't want to end up with an alcohol problem too.

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