bluefinch16 Member Profile

...See more Over the past 2 years I've been failing school and I just can't bring myself to care. In middle school I was an excellent student, one of the best in my class. Ever since I started high school something about me has changed. In the first semester of 9th grade I did well, but during the time I slowly put less effort into my work. I rationalized it as me needing a break, and I did. In eighth grade I had put to much pressure on myself. I thought that I had to be the best, if I wasn't than I was less than. I didn't want to lose my mind in high school, so I vowed that I wouldn't put so much pressure on myself. Taking time off for myself felt so good, I let it get to my head. I was lazy for the rest of the school year and during 10th grade. All I did was lie around all day tapping on my phone. I've become addicted to my phone, it's what gave me the escape I wanted and now it's all I care about. What sustained this failure was my mentality, I still thought that I was less than for failing. The more I failed the more apathetic I became. I figured that I had already ruined myself and my life, so there was no point in trying. In the summer after 9th grade my family and I were homeless and traveling back and forth between state lines in the blazing hot sun. To top it all off we lost our dog, losing him made me feel like I had lost a part of myself. After that I just stopped caring. I didn't care about school or my future. I was doing okay in my 1st semester of 10th grade, but in the beginning of second I contracted scabies from another student. I had to stay home for an entire month, during this time I was able to distance myself from school so much that I truly didn't care anymore. I was so ashamed of myself and my moth long absence that I didn't come back. I did online classes but because I didn't finish them I failed 10th grade. Because of my laziness I failed 10th grade. Now I have no future. Colleges won't forgive this mistake. I haven't talked to another teenager, or anyone other than my family since January. It's starting to drive me crazy. Now that the damage is done, I feel empty and hollow. I am no longer myself, I'm an empty shell of the person I once was. I look in the mirror and I feel like I'm looking at a stranger. I feel completely lost, what should I do?

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