bluemunchkin Member Profile

...See more Hello, I'm a female (22) and I'm new to this app. I just wanted to vent/ rant about what I think are my struggles that make me feel sad and disappointed with myself. I don't usually talk about this with anyone, so please let me know if I'm crossing any boundaries. I'm a student attending a university towards a BS in computer science. I'm paying out of pocket and I can't take out loans. Because of this I can't pay my school before the semester ends and I have to skip out every other semester just to pay it off. I keep feeling like I'm falling behind and it's hard concentrating and focusing on my homework. I feel like I'm never going to graduate on time. I'm doing not so good in class and I'm only taking one. I had to drop the other one because I started off terrible. And I can't help but feel slow and regretful for dropping one of two classes. I also work M-F with a 9-5 schedule. But since its far I don't get home until 6pm. I've started this job on January after a contract position with them, and in order to keep working with them I have to get certified to consult in housing. I've tried the test four times already in four months and I keep failing. And all I have to do at work is study the exam. I'm so tired of reading and going through the course over and over again. I don't even study anymore. I cry every time I fail and i feel so dumb I'm afraid of losing the one job that I felt proud of getting because I used to work as a cashier. At home I still have to cook or decide what to eat. I live with my partner after leaving my parents house a year and a half ago. But sometimes it's so frustrating when I have to figure out what to eat because my partner doesn't know either but he's more picky than me, I eat anything. Or clean the house, for example if I don't clean the toilet, nobody does. He'll clean the dishes and leave the utensil because they're tedious so he says he'll wash em the day after. My partner sleeps mostly all day and bearly at night and he expects me to nap with him when I come back from home. Like I still have to think about food and homework. When I work remotely, he sleeps in, when I'm at work he sleeps and attends his meeting. He works at a non profit and his meetings are all over the place so although it's like one hour he still has enough time to sleep throughout the day. I don't, I have to wake up, I have to be at work, I can't sleep in and I want it so badly without thinking that I have work. I'm tired, I don't even do what I like anymore. I just want to be okay and able to focus enough to pass school and the exam from work. I don't have any pto yet or vacations, I get paid twice a month and most of my money goes towards rent, phone bill, taxes cuz of contract position last year, school. (And I just forgot I had a test due and I missed it, I have D as a grade and now I feel dumber for falling asleep early I'm so done Idk what to do anymore) I haven't even visited my family. When I come back from work I pick up my partner from his meeting/event from his work. And since it's close to his parents house, he visits them while he waits for me to pick him up. And it's like every week. Maybe not for four hours or three, but he still visits them. I have not visited my parents in a long minute. And when I want to visit my parents, he's to tired because of work, and he'll say yes but he has an attitude when he's tired. Like I understand you don't want to talk to anybody, but they're my parents and you're my partner. Is it bad for him to act at least that he wants to be there too? But that's why I don't visit my parents. Idk I feel so alone and tired I lost all motivation. I don't even know who to vent because everyone has their own things going on. Especially since my circumstance is not bad compared to others. I'm crying in the car as I'm writing this. I just want a hug and attention telling me that it'll be okay. I want to go out and walk, have cute dates, have vacation. I feel so lost. Please help I don't want to feel stressed anymore. I'm sorry

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