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blueunknown
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts36 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes16 Current upvotes16 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceFebruary 22, 2024
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Sh, Alcohol, numb, ed
Self-Harm Recovery / by blueunknown
Last post
 December 5th, 2024
...See more Hi. So I haven't been doing to good I thought I was getting better but turns out I was just distracting myself and ignoring the truth. My sh is back and it's not good, I suffer with eating (under eating/starving) I only eat 1000 calories or less and I can't eat anything without checking the calories (I'm 16, 17 in like 6 weeks) I know I need more calories for my body to have energy and stuff but I just can't, my body dysmorthia is getting really bad which makes it alot worse. I've recently gone back to drinking alcohol when things get way to much and when I feel like I've hit rock bottom and can't survive, but it's not good because if my mom finds out she's going to have a go at me and I can't deal with her, she doesn't understand and when I try to explain she either pushes it away or makes me feel worse or takes it the wrong way and then I'm the bad person. I can't deal with that and the pressure she puts on me. I'm supposed to set a good example for me younger brother but I've recently found out he's been self harming not badly but it's still sh and I feel like I've failed as a sister. I genuinely feel so broken, numb, empty and just done. What's the point in trying anymore when I always fall back into sh sooner or later family and friends won't be a good enough reason to stay.. I don't know what to do. In a good note I absolutely LOVE straykids (k-pop band) their music and skz code genuinely makes me so happy, it's saved my life many times. Wish I had the money to go to their concert lol ð¥²
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Childhood trauma
Trauma Support / by blueunknown
Last post
 July 21st, 2024
...See more My childhood wasn't like any other I was abused, Neglected, abandoned and mentally trapped. My father was the cause of all this and although he no longer lives with me/ is no longer in my life the memories and trauma still affect me to this day. It's hard trusting anyone as I'm terrified I'll be hurt again. I've been told "the past is the past let it go" which yes the past is the past but I still don't understand why it all had to happen especially since my father never treated my brother the way he treated me. I can't let go of it as I need answers, answers I know I'll never find or get. I don't know what to do. A single smell, action or place can bring me back to the trauma. It's hard to deal with.
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My self harm addiction
Self-Harm Recovery / by blueunknown
Last post
 July 19th, 2024
...See more I've been self harming for around 5-6 years now and it's only gotten worse. I used to do it a few times a week to help cope with past trauma and my mental health but now it's something I can't stop, let go or escape. Now I do it every day and half the time I don't have a reason for doing it, sometimes I just want it for no reason and it's seriously getting worse, my legs/thighs look horrible and so do my arms. I've tried getting help and doing other coping mechanisms but nothing seems to work I always go back to self harm and it's starting to prevent me from wearing certain clothes and going out because I'm terrified of what people will think or say. I just don't know what to do anymore I can't stop it.
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Alcoholism
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by blueunknown
Last post
 August 10th, 2024
...See more I struggle ALOT with my mental health and to deal with it all I've gone to drinking which I know will only cause me more problems when I'm older but I just can't help it anymore. 2 weeks ago I was having a drink with my mom and I was only supposed to have 2 glasses of vodka & lemonade but instead I did the drinks very strong and had about 14 pure shots of vodka I got that drunk that I threw up about 4 times and was literally passing out/blacking out, it was horrible but once I started I couldn't stop. Now I just don't know what to do, I don't want to admit that I have an alcohol problem but at the same time I think I do.
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