borderlinebattle Member Profile

...See more So this is basically how Ive been feeling over the last year and I know its not as simple as this I have no friends who understand bpd and just hope someone on here can relate to this... person 1 is honest and kind, caring and loving, very empathetic and considerate as well. i have anxiety & depression. I feel this is my true self 🌺 person 2 is more spontaneous, impulsive and aggressive, doesnt think of consequences, and tends to be defensive and angry. When Im in this side, I totally forget about Person 1 and also feel like i have any control over this side. i hate person 2 but it is out of my control. 👹 the same pattern keeps occuring, and i feel like its just a vicious circle that ends and causes lots of shit in life. when im in person 2, i often do something/say something/think impulsive without thinking of the consequences. When I feel like Im calm and going back to person 1 i disassociate and my emotions are coming back to who I truly am. then i go back to person 1, and end up looking back on what happened. i tend to feel a lot of anger and hate for person 2 because i almost feel like i have to deal with the consequences and guilt from what that side did because i felt like it was that other side of me that did it, and not person 1. however in person 1 i know person 2 is also a part of me too, and i get angry towards myself. it hurts me knowing Ive hurt people I love. I end up feeling shit because i felt like i couldnt control the person 2 and also feel like im a horrible person. then i end dealing with stresses in life or think of myself and i become person 2 again. And since person 2 always forgets about person 1, the cycle begins again.

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