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braveField37
1 825 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts22 Forum posts18 Forum upvotes27 Current upvotes27 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2021 Member sinceNovember 14, 2014
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I'm a pretty strong person, but every now and then, I could use a shoulder to lean on.

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Going part-time at my job because the anxiety is too much.
Anxiety Support / by braveField37
Last post
 October 28th, 2020
...See more I feel unable to talk to anyone I know about this. I need someone to talk to, though. I've worked at the same job for four years now, and I love my employer and the people I work with. However, I have severe anxiety, especially in public speaking situations. This sucks, because my employer decided to make me the 'face' of our company to our software clients. Maybe I should have just told him about my anxiety, but it's hard. I quietly saw a doctor and got a prescription for medication to help with performance anxiety. It works, but my energy still feels drained after work. I am also an introvert and sometimes have to be on the phone all day for my job. I hate this more than I know how to express. I NEED my quiet time and my space to do my work. I am actually great as a worker bee, but I need to be given concrete tasks instead of just: "Wow, everything is a mess. Jump in where you can, and while you aimlessly multitask, please join this call." There really is no sense of organization within the company, and it feels like nobody truly knows what they are doing. The difference between them and me is that they hide it very, very well, whereas I tend to be more an open book. I try to hide how I feel, but I can't. It's starting to take a toll on my home life. Yesterday, several times, my husband asked me if I was OK and I said yes while doing my best to hide my tears from him. We were in the car and he was driving, so luckily he was focused on the road. Sometimes it's worse - I blow up at him or snap at him and it's hard for me to enjoy my non-working hours, because I know soon, I will be working again. I haven't wanted to be intimate with him lately or spend much time because I feel like my non-working hours should be focused on school, cleaning the house, or getting another job asap. I have always felt intense work dread, but it got worse in March when they added me to a new project. I am in school part-time to get a Master's degree so I can switch careers. I just want out NOW and today it all got to be too much, so I asked the office manager if I can be a part-time employee. She said she would check. It feels better than quitting and my hope is I can go full-time at school to get out of the IT world faster. I haven't told anyone I asked about part-time and I guess I feel like a loser. Thanks for being a safe space to let this out.
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